Fear of having the outside opinion.

We often hear two conflicting pieces of advice in our society. Either we hear praise for "thinking outside of the box" or we are admonished for "being crazy", "not respecting tradition", or "abandoning what you know is right". This can cause a lot of confusion, especially amongst our youth. Here's why:

A long time ago, when we were hunters and gatherers, the tribe meant everything! Protection from predators, raising babies, collecting food, shelter, sex... it all depended on the strength of the tribe. Therefore, if you ever were banished from the tribe, a death of starvation or being eaten alive was expected. For hundreds of thousands of years, our ancestors knew not to get kicked out of the tribe. So much so that it is in your DNA just as much as your instinct to protect a baby from harm.

These days, however, "tribes" are much different. We (especially us westerners) tend to live in single generation households. Grandma and Grandpa live on their own until they get sent off to a retirement community. A growing majority of people barely know their neighbors. We have settled on claiming our own land and keeping everyone else off of it for our safety of the unknown.

Yet, the tribes continue. Our tribes are our social media "friends". The people we work with. Your kids' classroom. Basically anywhere that people know your name and face can be considered a tribe of some importance. You can get a feel for this by how you interact. If you don't cuss in front of your coworkers, but will cuss out someone in traffic for instance. We feel that with tribes we are subject to consequences.

When you are with your tribe, you are much more vulnerable to being judged. Naturally, this fear of being judged... or even rejected... weighs on us as we choose how to act. This is why we feel safe around our friends! We can relax from the fear of being judged. But not so with the rest of your tribes.

Have you ever given your opinion on facebook only to find that you were blocked and/or unfriended? Most of us try to pretend like this doesn't affect us, but for most of us it certainly does! We question ourselves. Are we as offensive as others have indicated? Did we deserve to be rejected?

With these fears comes an awful manipulation. The "majority" of the tribe can reject you. If you decide to express something contrary to the popular opinion, you know that this may lead to you being expelled from that tribe. If you don't support the louder and more dominant personalities of the tribe, people will question your loyalty to the tribe instead of just that singular personality.

So what do you do? Speak up on your thought that no one may agree with... or do you just put your head down and hope for the best? Sometimes this decision means the difference between risking a promotion because you want to express a great thought.

What's worse is that most new ideas flop. Yup. It's easy to be right once you read something from a textbook or have lots of experience to back up your thinking. When you're thinking for yourself, however, you will often end up falling on your face. People remember the pioneers of their fields for their successes but forget about their failures. So not only are you taking a risk by having the outside opinion, but you are statistically going to fail as well.

While all of the above seems a tad gloomy, take heart. There is hope. Accept that you will fail. In fact, say it out loud! Claim it! You will certainly lose people in your life due to your ideas. But like a snake shedding its skin, sometimes it's better to let people go their way so that you can be a truer version of who you are. This may not be what you wanted to hear, but trust me... for every tribe you are rejected from, the easier it will get. Eventually, you WILL realize that you are all you need and others can make you feel secure but you don't depend on their security.

Then you are free. You can be your true self and innovate and fail as you need to in order to achieve those things in your heart that are important to your life. Be weird. Fail. Learn. Innovate. Be free :)

-@iamthenerd