The GitHub Gatekeepers or Choir of Angels? Humor that even non-coders will enjoy...
It was a beautiful Saturday morning. My "flagship" web app running on streamlit cloud (https://basel-iii-crypto-risk-management-kvqpfpeyh99fepbgzscck5.streamlit.app/ - No really. That bizarre string of letters and numbers resembling a drunk's ethereum wallet address is genuine. Just click on it and try.) was humming along at FTL speeds, when.....
I gazed at the screen and saw this:
What's wrong with that picture? Think. Think hard.
Bingo!.
That’s right. Although the CBQRA ran fine and generated all main visualizations, that stupid yellow “no main visualizations” msg still remained planted just below the main visualizations,
(Humph!, some people’s children…)
I spent the whole day fixing that bug. I battled with logic that was homeless, orphaned and well, generally “illogical”. Suffered through the indent/dedent gremlins, the try-except-WTF? Hell, throwing ## bombs at it. No joy.
A quick fix was obliterating it altogether, but then I had to deal with the superseding “else” (the lying msg’s cohort in crime). Deleting the “else” made my Run CBQRA button head for the hills, never to be coaxed back into the open until I dealt with the “else” and false msg.
To top it off, after about 3-4 git commits of altered “crypto_fortress.py”, the GitHub Police slapped me on the wrist and banned further commits unless the file had “changed enough”. WTF? Of course it was much later that I looked up how to force -f a commit (Oh, the Humanity!).
Kinda pissed off at myself, the PYthon Coding Police (tracebacks) and the GitHub Gatekeepers, I wrote a comedic stand-up comedy prologue, slapped it at the top of next “crypto_fortress.py” and continued to debug that stupid “no main visualization found” msg, naming it "Kenny" from the "South Park" series.
Here’s that standup-schtik:
Warning: Tangent Incoming:
I began this six month journey with zero coding skills and no prior knowledge
of Quantitative Finance. Four months, 3 days, 8 hours and 12 minutes later,
my 7 ylo AMD A6-7480 Linux Desktop decided to go on strike.
His terms were non-negotiable: no more than 12 hours up-time per 24 hours,
a list of upgrades, a dental plan and two weeks paid vacation annually.
I told him to take a hike and to remember who paid the electric bills around
here (big mistake). And just like that, without even a pop or hiss, all
"The LIghts Went OUt in Georgia". Even worse, the "Power to the PC" movement
spread throughout the rest of the system and before I knew it, there wasn't a
single hard drive, internal fan or ram chip that would cooperate, collectively
gaining perverse pleasure observing my misery.
But I showed them. I woke up "Old Grandpa - my 10 y/o Lenovo 110S Br11
(dual core Atom Processor, 32 Gb eMMC storage and 2 Gb of Ram -
the broken keyboard was just a bonus, I guess?). So, me, Grandpa and my
PIxel 3XL serving as a surrogate keyboard via KDE Connect, charged on.
This is the culmination of 6 months speed learning, chronic insomnia
and CMC (carpalmetacarpal: the joint at the base of each thumb) syndrome
that's progressed to the point where a 9-hour operation by Thailand's finest
micro-surgeons gives me, at best only a 22% chance of ever playing
the violin afterwards. Considering that I've never touched a violin in
my life, I'd say those are pretty good odds, no?
OK, confession time. Take out the violin part and the rest
is absolutely true. Really. Imagine that?
I hope this 3,000 Line Behemoth serves you well. In Lak'ech...JCP9415
Then something miraculous happened. It was like the Universe took pity on me and ordered the Cosmic Coding Tribunal to accept my code and let the app run unhindered by their digital Hounds from that dark region only known as "AAA" (the "Anti-Analog Abyss).
Suddenly, for the second time in 11 hours, I couldn't believe what I saw on my screen!
All my vivid main visualization SANS the false "no main visualizations found msg"!
(Kenny - that lying "no main visualizations found" msg - was dead. THEY KILLED KENNY! Those bastards! Lol!)
I have no idea how it happened, but I’ll take the win anyway. I swear the only difference between the last buggy .py file and the “it came out of nowhere, manna from heaven perfect crypto_fortress.py” was that cynical standup schtik I added just to slip passed the GitHub Gatekeepers, TL:DR I'm happier than a pig in $hit. And I ain’t fixin’ what ain’t broken. Lol!
Parting Shot: The Crypto Fortress v4.6 (Basel III Crypto Risk Management with BQR & GJR-GARCH) app is a FREE APP, no store download necessary, and accessible via your desktop, laptop, tablet or mobile browser:
https://basel-iii-crypto-risk-management-kvqpfpeyh99fepbgzscck5.streamlit.app/
Or if you prefer to clone my GitHub repository and run it locally:
https://github.com/JCP9415/basel-iii-crypto-risk-management
Submitted FYI.
In Lak'ech, JaiChai