Oklahoma Orders Public Schools to Teach the Bible

Oklahoma’s top education official, Ryan Walters, announced that the state will now require all public schools to “teach the Bible as well as have a copy available in every classroom.” The bulletin said, “Effective immediately, Oklahoma schools are required to incorporate the Bible as part of the curricula in grades five through 12,” then added, “Immediate and strict compliance is expected.”

Wow, so every classroom must have a Bible on hand. Now the question is, “Which Bible?” Of course, given that Oklahoma is run by MAGAs, its no stretch to assume they’ll use that new “Trump Bible.” That said, this announcement should really warm the hearts of young women growing up in Oklahoma. Especially the passage from Timothy 2:12, which says, “I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.”

Now, according to Oklahoma school Superintendent Ryan Walters, ”The goal here is to have an accurate view of “American history.” Really? Who knew the Bible mentioned anything about American history?” I’d like to read those passages. You can call me cynical, but my guess is those are the same passages Christians used to justify “the genocide against Native Americans.”

Of course, once this rule goes into effect, it won’t be long before "All non-Christian students and staff must renounce their false gods and become practicing Christians effective immediately" will go into effect. And, let us not forget that all “disobedient infidels” will be “put on the rack to be whipped in the public square for all the good church folks to scorn.”

On a positive note, if these kids are reading the Bible, they won’t even need internet pornography. Not when the Bible has such vividly detailed stories like Solomon’s “Song of Songs,” where he tells his lover, “Thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes. I said I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine, and the smell of thy nose like apples,” or if that’s not your thing - how about Lott having sex with his daughters, or God telling the Israelites to keep all the virgin girls they capture for themselves.

Why, with erotic tales like those, you can bet if the Bible were being written today, it’d probably come with an “Only Fans” page. By the way, can someone please explain to me “exactly where Adam and Eve’s grandchildren come from?” Anyway, with Christian Nationals in charge, Oklahoma children will now be taught “the world is only 6 thousand years old.” I assume that also means everyone in Oklahoma will start measuring things in “Cubits” rather than feet or inches.

So, regardless of what Superintendent Ryan Walters says, the truth is - not one Founding Father ever pointed to the Bible and said, ”Now, this will be the basis for all our laws.” And, with Christianity about to be taught to our children, it means the “Business of Religion and Big Tobacco” will basically have the same motto - “Hook ‘em while they’re young.” Now, if I were making the laws, we’d treat religion the same as we do people’s genitals, meaning they’re “Illegal to display in public, but you’re free to do whatever you wish with them in your own home.”