Russia Plans to Build Village for US Conservatives Escaping ‘Woke’
Newsweek is reporting that plans are in place to build a village in the Moscow region for conservative Americans and Canadians. On Thursday, the Kremlin-backed RIA Novosti news agency outlined a community that caters to expatriates with “traditional” values, writing that construction is expected to begin next year. It states, “Moscow will provide assistance to any foreigners who want to escape the neo-liberal ideals being put forward in their countries and move to Russia, where traditional values reign supreme, according to a decree signed by President Vladimir Putin.” In response, ultra-conservative conspiracy theorist Alex Jones told his listeners that he is seriously considering taking Putin up on the offer — and he told them they should too.
Wow! Is this the best idea ever, or what? I mean, Harris should immediately announce some sort of initiative to provide funding in order to help make this thing happen in a timely manner. Say what you will about Russia, but conservatives and MAGAs will simply love the fact that Russia doesn’t have immigration problems like we do here in the US. Hell, no one is beating down the door on Russia’s borders to get into that place. And, even when they do, reality quickly becomes like the lyrics to an old Eagles song, “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.”
Just imagine, when all you MAGAs get to your beloved Mother Russia, you might even end up living next door to an international superstar like Steven Seagal - another American defector. Now, some may ask, “Do I need to be an obese, out-of-work actor in order to qualify?” The answer is “no.” In fact, as an added bonus, your complimentary Russian citizenship will likely also include a free, mandatory, extended visit to eastern Ukraine. It’ll be like, “Welcome to Russia! Here’s your potato and your military uniform. Enjoy!” Oh, and all you virile MAGA macho men are sure to love all the Russian war widows the conflict with Ukraine has created!
Of course, the United States must insist all MAGA defectors be required to surrender their US passports before boarding that plane to Russia. Imagine the look on their fat, traitorous faces - as these thousands of MAGAs migrate to Russia to escape “Woke,” only to be outfitted in military garb and immediately sent to the front against Ukraine. Gotta hand it to Putin; that’s a clever way to draft folks for his war. And frankly, I can’t think of anyone better than Comrade Steve Bannon to lead the US brigade. After all, he’s been so successful at playing video war games on his computer.
Of course, some MAGA conservatives might argue that “Why should we move to Russia when we’ve been working so hard here to try and turn America into a satellite Russian state? OK, I’ll grant you that, but otherwise, this whole “move to Russia” scheme just seems like a total “win-win” for nearly everyone involved. I’m talking about folks like Vladimir Putin, angry MAGA half-wits, and even liberals seem to be just delighted about the idea.
Hell, the only real MAGA concern about all this that I can see would be - just who will be left here in the US to bully all the elderly, women, minorities, gays, the disabled, and transgender children when all the heartless MAGA pricks have moved to Russia? Meanwhile, as for me - well, I’m definitely sold on the program. In fact, what I wanna know is, where do I need to go to sign up my neighbors and most of my relatives back in Ohio? Oh, and once you leave, “Y’all don’t come back, ya hear? We won’t be leaving the light on for ya.”