SAC-Wk122 — Is Cohabiting called Marriage?

In today's world, marriage feels like a big load for many young people. The cost of bride price, traditional rites, wedding parties, and everything else makes it look so expensive and complicated. It's so complicated to the extent that a lot of couples decide to live together first, have children, and think about formal marriage later. But this raises an important question: Is living together the same as being married? Let's talk about it openly and honestly.

Hi, my name is Ayobami Olatunbosun from Nigeria, and here is my honest opinion on the topic "Is Cohabiting called Marriage?"

In our culture and under Nigerian law, people who are just living together and bearing children are cohabiting partners. Under customary law which applies to most traditional unions in Nigeria, bride price is a key requirement for a valid marriage. The law has repeatedly said that long cohabitation, even for 20 or 30 years with many children, does not automatically become marriage if the bride price was never paid.

If the required marriage rites was not done, both the woman and kids did not have strong legal protection. Even in the future, the man dies or leaves, the wife may struggle to claim inheritance or property, and the children may face challenges to prove legitimacy. So, in my own opinion, living together and bearing children does not equal being married. They are in a relationship, but not a legally or traditionally recognized union.

I don't see cohabitation as a real shortcut to marriage. It's more like a trial period that can lead to marriage… or quietly continue forever without ever becoming marriage.

With the global economic situation (high rent, fuel prices, school fees, and inflation), it makes practical sense for some couples to share bills, build a home, and raise kids before spending huge money on marriage rites. If both people are clear from the beginning, it can be a smart step.

But if there is no plan and agreement to formalise the relationship later, it often becomes a permanent situation. One person (usually the woman) ends up feeling insecure, while the other enjoys the benefits without full commitment. To me, it's not a shortcut, it's a different path that may or may not end in marriage.

Are there advantages or disadvantages of cohabiting?

The issue of cohabiting is like two-faced sword, it has its advantages and disadvantages, to be honest. The advantages work especially for couples who have it in plan to get married later, even though it's not usually guaranteed.

The Advantages of Cohabitation.

• Cohabitation really gives couples opportunities to get to know each other in the aspect of daily habits, money management, conflict style, parenting approach.

• It helps them to save money in the short term.

• The can build stronger emotional and physical bond before big commitments are set in.

• And most importantly, it allows couples to test if they can raise children together without the pressure of divorce.

While the advantages might seem like a glitter, the bad side of it is not looking good at all. The consequences of cohabiting, especially for the couples who didn't later get married are heavy.

The Disadvantages of Cohabitation.

• No legal protection, no automatic inheritance, no spousal rights, no easy divorce settlement.

• Higher Chance of Breakup: Different studies show that couples who live together before marriage have slightly higher divorce rates later because they slide into marriage instead of choosing it deliberately.

• Pressure from Family and Community: Many parents and elders see cohabitation as a wrong or shameful act.

• Children may face rejection or even legal issues in some instances.

Though, I understand the fear of people saying "What if we marry and the sex is bad?” or “What if we can't have children?” But I don't think testing sexually before marriage is the best way.

Sex is only one part of compatibility. True long-term happiness and union comes from respect, communication, shared values, trust, and kindness and those are the things you can discover through honest conversations, courtship, and counseling without jumping into having sex first.

Premarital sex also many risks it may be unplanned pregnancy or STIs or emotional attachment before readiness, and heartbreak if one person leaves afterward. In many Nigerian families and religious communities, it's also seen as against values.

My personal view: Focus on deep friendship, open talks about expectations including intimacy and children, medical checks if fertility is a worry, and premarital counseling. I believe that if sex is the main thing you're testing for, the relationship might not be strong enough in other areas.

In conclusion, though marriage rites can be expensive and stressful, but they give security, respect, and legal backing especially for women and children. Cohabitation is a personal choice, but it comes with real risks if there's no clear plan to get married later.

I am inviting @peacemike @gabriella26 and @teejay005 to participate in this contest.