SCIENTISTS PROVE THAT CONSPIRACY THEORISTS ARE MENTALLY ILL
Scientists have long been baffled by the ever-growing number of people in society who are unable to disregard fake news. These unfortunate beings have a tendency to believe any wild theory cooked up by the Russian and Iranian propaganda machines. It doesn't even matter if their government hold a press conference and explicitly deny the claims made against them, still, the conspiracy theorists of the world foolishly choose not to believe it.
Thanks to a breakthrough in the field of neurobiology, we finally have an understanding of the confusion that is afflicting a rising number of the world's population.
Researchers at the Institute of LIES(Learned Interpretations of Evolutionary Science ) have developed a new type of brain scan that uses fourth-dimensional atomic radiation to analyse organic matter. What this new technology has uncovered is truly spectacular.
Through the comparison of normal brains and the brains of conspiracy theorists , scientists have concluded that the latter suffers from an undeveloped cerebral cortex.
The cause of the anomaly is yet to be discovered, but the evidence reveals that conspiracy theorists are all missing a vital part of their brain. The missing region is responsible for "in-the-box thinking," and without it, subjects exhibit a tendency to allow their imaginations to run free. This can often lead to questions about answers that they have already been given, and answers about questions that no normal person would ask.
In addition to the missing tissue, researchers at LIES also discovered conspiracy theorists to have a chemical imbalance within the body, resulting in a blind faith deficiency and elevated levels of skepticism.
The development of treatments for the illness are underway, with hypnosis being cited as a potential method to restore normal brain function.
Conspiracy theorists on Reddit, Steemit and YouTube have attacked the veracity of the institute's research over the past 24 hours, We can confirm that the integrity of the Institute of LIES is unquestionable, as they have been in receipt of annual funding from both the government and the philanthropic Rockefeller foundation for many years.
Obviously, these organizations would not be funding the research at LIES if it was not a reputable body of science. It is not like they would stand to benefit in any way from these findings..
Now this is good satire! Love it, man - cheers!
Had to be done.
Great! You really make me laugh with the Institute of LIES, it's more credible than some Conspiracy Theorists :D I appreciated what you wrote about the role of the satire, I have the same thought about it .
Thanks for the comment, and yes, I have believed that for a long time. I was shocked to find an entire satirical website devoted to reinforcing the backwards-belief that anyone who questions anything is a fool.
I thought we were making progress as a society, but shit like this just reminds me that we are not.
Shocking! Here in Italy, in the last years, I read on newspaper and on the social media some attacks against the satire, but it's only an hypocrite acts against the satire that "talk" about some topics. Sad.
I upvoted, resteem and shared on my Facebook profile.
Well that's very much appreciated.
Have a great night.
This is great... and totally worthy of The Onion. Nice work!
I consider that to be quite the compliment, so thank you very much.
This is funny. It reminds me of the old saying "Just because you are paranoid, doesn't mean that they aren't out to get you." I think most conspiracies are probably not true but the thing is you never know. I don't for a second believe that Oswald was the only one involved in the JFK assassination even though I have no actual proof for it.
Yes, it reminds me of that too. My intent with this was not to imply that all conspiracy theories are real, but to highlight the absurdity of assuming that anyone who does believe in even one of them must be a stupid or crazy.
Also, I think it was after JFK that the CIA started floating the phrase conspiracy theorist around and associating it with schizophrenia.
Thanks for the comment--
Another thing I was thinking about was how mass media articles just extrapolate to mad levels with neuroscience findings without any critical analysis. Then the information gets repeated around to the point where it becomes like an accepted fact.
That is a great comment and I 100% agree with it. I don't think it is limited to the field of neurobiolgy either. I tried to express this through the institute of LIES in the piece.
Yes it happens all the time pretty much everywhere.
I think partly it is because people like black or white, yes or no answers. They don't like uncertainties - grey areas.
The problem is that life seems to be full of grey areas.
Yes, uncertainty tends to be an uncomfortable feeling. This is likely why so many people buy into such deceptions.
You're welcome:)
Possible - I think before that they would just have called you crazy perhaps.
They say church, and I say PREEEEAAAACCCCHHH! :)
This is really funny. Are people here against satire? I like to write a little of my own. Not as good as this though.
No, from what I have seen Steemit loves a bit of satire. If you're referring to the four whale flags, that was for a different reason, and had nothing to do with the content itself..
Seems odd.
lol! great post!
Thanks, mate.
You should be an Onion writer if you aren't already XD
You're not the first to say this. Perhaps I should apply? If I was accepted, I could use the articles to promote Steemit too...
I think you should!
I will. I just need to prepare a few more similar articles first to use as a sort of portfolio.
hahahahahaha as someone who dated a conspiracy theorist this made me fucking laaaaaugh. Good one. :D