I Share, Therefore I Am: How Social Media Aims To Connect Us But Actually Makes Us Lonely
We live in an era of permanent accessibility, permanent connections to others, and permanently glued to our electronics.
Social Media was developed to stay in touch or get to know new people, to communicate instantly and easily with them.
But do you realize that this lifestyle is actually making us more lonely?
We aim to have MORE friends, be in contact with MORE people, have MORE social connections - but we just end up feeling more lonely.
When I found this beautifully animated video the other day, I just had to share this and write about it.
The words are quoted from Sherry Turkle's TED Talk "Connected, But Alone". Script, Design & Animation by Shimi Cohen.
Quantity vs Quality
Social Media -especially Facebook- has completely distorted the term "friendship."
Someone you just met or even a complete stranger could be adding you on facebook - now all of a sudden you're "friends".
Now we all know that those are not true friends - but can we even differentiate between TRUE friends anymore?
We are so connected online constantly, texting, tagging and commenting - but apart from your closest circle, when was the last time you actually met up with one of your online friends in person ?
I feel like everyone learns to keep a smaller circle of friends while growing up. That's just life.
But social media is making it even harder for younger people to make real friends, since everybody is your online friend.
We are sacrificing CONVERSATION for mere CONNECTION.
While having countless friends online and being more connected than ever, in reality many of us are still lonely.
Real-life conversation vs. Online conversation
Have you ever noticed how carefully we display our lives online? Of course, we only post what we choose to share, only the best moments, only the fun memories.
We've all heard that before, but there's actually another aspect to this:
We are constantly communicating online. When someone texts you, and you don't know what to answer right away - no problem, just have some time to think and answer later. (I think we've all been at that point where we couldn't open up a certain messenger app because then we'd have to respond to someone!)
And even more than that: We can delete tweets, instagram posts, or comments.
We can edit captions. We can even edit some text messages.
We carefully choose what to say, and have the option to edit or delete it later on. That's why people are afraid of real-life conversations.
In real-life conversations, you have to respond in real-time.
No option to think about what to say, no one else to ask for advice, no option to edit or delete.
Real-life conversations are so much harder. That's why people started to avoid them.
Which of course, only makes us more lonely in the end.
We are expecting more from technology, and less from each other.
Social Media is not only changing the way we act and communicate, but also the way we think and feel.
It gets us "where we are most vulnerable": it presents us with 3 fantasies that we like to believe.
- We can fully control what we pay attention to
- We will always be heard, there is always someone to listen online.
- We will never have to be alone, we are constantly connected.
"I SHARE, therefore I AM."
This is a quote from the video that really stuck with me.
It's obviously an alteration of the famous Descartes quote, but it couldn't be more fitting for our current times.
If you didn't take and share pictures at an event - did it even really happen? Were you even really there?!
Of course that's a little extreme, but it is almost what our life has come to.
And it's only just begun.
Who knows how far Social Media will develop in the future ?!
- Instagram -
© Sirwinchester
How true! Years back I joined Facebook. I sent message to my Son.
I received a message asking if I would accept him as a friend. My hair I'm sure stood on end. Hell man I'm 77 and that message freaked me out.
There were also other things they mentioned like walls and wall paper. I didn't want my walls papered, crap I just wanted to be able to talk to my Son.
Long story shortened, end of face book. Hell man I don't know how to text, write letters yep no problem except for having to sell one of my axes to pay for the cotton pickin stamp.
Today I regret not learning all this new techno stuff, if i had possibly I'd be able to paddle myself around in this cyber pool old confusion.
How can anyone trust a friend they can't see. A couple words that are misused, friend and love. Billytwohears
Thank you for your in-depth comment! I totally get your point.
It's never too late to learn about technology. You are currently on Steemit, one of the most "technical" and innovative platforms on the internet, and you've made it here, so that's awesome already!
Not a new idea but one that needs a lot more attention. Thanks.
I don't know i I agree that there is anything unnatural about having large social network but without a smaller support group to relate with intimately, the larger social network becomes meaningless.
I'm mostly concerned with the retreat that some people make from the 3D world because the online world is where everything seems to be happening now. For some this retreat is simply metaphoric or subconscious, perhaps becoming less engaged with the people and environment around them, looking for post opportunities and ignoring the need for making true friends like you mention. I notice in myself though, that the retreat is becoming increasingly literal as real life is becoming more and more catering to those snapshot moments and online shoutouts. I feel as if everyone has become accustomed to their echo chambers, and while they may be more open minded than in the past, these echo chambers kind of lock them into their current viewpoints. Everyone is jaded as hell and it makes me feel that I might as well just try to connect online.
I love steem because it gives me a chance to connect to new people based on ideas, opinions, imagination, and intention, not only based on this desire to be a bigger deal (although you will probably always have a little bit of that). I only wish that I could see more of this in my 3D life. Community is the answer to so many problems, creating a new culture where people are less concerned about their image, less rooted in their egos.
Following you, hope to see more posts like this and share ideas about how to make shit better.
First of all, thank you for your lengthy comment and the follow!
You are right, many people use it as a retreat, and maybe depend on it too much.
The connections on steemit are still online, but somehow different - whenever you meet a Steemian in person you will notice how connected you feel and how different they are.
Nice writing and nice video. I believe social media made us lonely. Very lonely as I cannot meet new friend physically through internet and social media. Cannot see their face, emotion and touch them physically. We only meet the viral part of them only. It is not good for human.
You're right. Although we can communicate with someone, it's totally different to meet them in person.
And like mentioned above, we also only meet the "perfect" version of someone online, not the real you.
Excellent post, well I think social media and technology definitely make communicating and connecting easier than before, but at the same time separating us as we no longer pay attention to who, what is next to us. We talk less but we text more. Guys, stuff around you is much more beautiful than stuff in your phone!!
Well said! we write more, but actually SAY less.
It can be hard to draw a line and separate yourself from online communication, but you are right, what's around us is even more amazing!
Social media has it's pros and cons like every product and technology. It has become essential part of our lives and going to be even more essential, if that's even possible. Like Arthur Clark said about the satellites: World village, but just for a blink of an eye...then we will become a global familly.
I love our global village!
That's an awesome quote.
And I think you're right, the role of technology will only become even more essential to our lives in the future!
Yes, that's so true. I have many friends on Facebook that I barely know or only meet once in my life. Although many people say "happy birthday" to me on my birthday, they only do so because there is a reminder on the top right corner. If I hid them, then only a few friends will say "happy birthday" to me and with five fingers I can count them all.
Good point, yes I actually thought about that as well.
I almost feel like the people who congratulate on facebook nowadays are not your real friends, since they would call you or text you directly.
Social meida should be a tool of communication. We should all understand that online attention is not something we really desire. I greatly reduced posting on snapchat and instagram. Now I prefer meeting my friends in person. Real life interaction is completely a different thing which is irreplaceable.
Irreplaceable is exactly the right word!
It's easy to forget because social media is everywhere and we often use it instinctively. But meeting in person is simply a different experience.
True, when you stepped info a metro or a bus, you can feel how different it is, comparing 10 years ago and now. It is so quiet, all people heads down staring at their phone, even they are hanging out with their friends, they choose to play their cell phone insteads of talking to the one besides them.
So true! It must be confusing for someone as old as our grandparents to experience this change. They can't even imagine why we would glue our eyes to a screen for that long instead of looking out of the window.
Great one and spot on! The real life aspect without edit option is an interesting one too. So out for the next Steemit MeetUp soon for me :-)
Steemit doesn't count as social media in this case 😉
Steemit definitely connects us and does NOT make us more lonely - but you're right, there's still nothing better than meeting in person at steemfest !
I kind of agree with you here! Are you still awake or already :-)?
I surprisingly do not have social media (besides steemit) and feel great. People wonder how I do it and how the hell could I not have facebook or instagram?? I could see the FOMO (fear of missing out) written all over their faces and I just have to laugh a little inside. Everyone who I want to share very personal things or thoughts with I contact personally. I feel like social media has formed a new form of addiction for most people and let it consume their lives. I feel great limiting myself to it! In person relationships while being 100% present (not on the phone the entire time) is what will truly satisfy that longing for connection :)
Very good post! Followed :)
This is a good way to be, hope more people can figure it out. It's really funny how perplexed some people get. I quit for 2 years and only came back because I lost touch with EVERYONE. Trying to find a nice balance now, I only use facebook to stay in touch with people who don't live closeby though.
its all about balance!
I can totally understand that.
I know many people who do the same and are perfectly happy.
I think the other people are actually missing out on something that you have - living in the moment, and not having to worry about what to share and what others will think of it.
Thank you for your comment and follow!
Nailed it 👍