I've just left a comment on another blog, then came over to read yours and interestingly there are similarities, and i feel the comment fit's here too, so if i get flagged for plagiarism it is actually my own comment i am lifting!!

" I had similar ish realisations reading the Law of One. Ra defines negatively polarised individuals as service to self, and positively polarised individuals as service to others. Where as I place my self as a service to others, and used to feel as though we were in some kind of war with the service to self kind, Ra explains that both paths lead back to the creator ultimately, even though the service to self path follows separation up to a certain point, there comes a point as one progresses the densities that you cannot progress unless you accept the creator. And was surprised to learn that service to self is actually a much harder path to take, to follow this route one must be 95% service to self, whereas to be service to others one must achieve 51% service to others- And that is no where near as easy as it sounds either. But anyway, my point was, that it sort of dawned on me that they must be so extreme to achieve their selected path and their actions actually serve as catalysts for us who choose the service to others path. We would not progress if there were no others to serve. If everything was this calm utopia we all imagine then how would we grow, how would we evolve to the next density. There are moments of clarity when i ponder this, but also moments of great confliction still at times. I can accept that this is the design, but that does not mean i can now just sit back and relax and just live out my life with no concern for others because well it just doesn't matter?

It massively matters, and the fact that I am anxious about the state of affairs we are living in drives me on my path of service to others, but with a slightly lesser feeling of despair, and with much more clarity.

It can still go either way, and the outcome is still up to us, it is sort of a battle, but it has to be, it is how we progress through this density, it's the point of the level per say. It is much more in depth than this but i don't want to turn a comment into a second blog! Just yea, acceptance of the process & the removal of the hero complex, gives you much more freedom to see clearly what is at your disposal and know that each and every one of us can act, has the power to act, and so we should be, it's our world, and we need to shape it into how we want it to be fo'sho, but we've got to let go of the impending sense of doom and hopelessness. It's almost even been set up that way by the service to self so they have a head start."

I think the interaction we had the other day illustrates my confliction, on that day I wasn't seeing it clearly and you very kindly pointed me in the direction of helpful information, today I have read this blog and the other- i dont want to link it because that could be seen as rather rude- and it does make sense to me where i could write the above.

I think i probably need some more information to help me clarify things on a personal level and ACIM may be the way to go by the sounds of it :)

Very well written blog, enjoyed the read :)