Marriage Is Not Ownership: Rights Versus Privileges.

Hi guys, accept warm Steem greetings from the motherland of Cameroon, and welcome to my blog, where I'm gonna share my thoughts on misconceptions in African marriages, with specific reference to Cameroon, where privileges are mistaken for rights.

In Cameroon, marriage is more than a romantic union between two individuals. It is a social institution deeply rooted in family systems, customary law, religion, and community identity. From the grassfields of the Northwest and West Regions to the coastal communities of the Littoral, marriage binds not just a couple but entire families. Within this rich cultural framework, however, a growing challenge has emerged which is the tendency to mistake privileges for rights.

^{Traditional marriage celebrations in the “atoghu regalia.}

Understanding the difference is crucial for preserving both justice and harmony in Cameroonian marriages.

A right is fundamental and legally protected. Under Cameroonian law, both spouses have the right to dignity, security, and mutual respect. No husband has the right to physically or emotionally abuse his wife. No wife has the right to undermine or endanger her husband. Rights are grounded in human worth, they do not depend on wealth, gender, tribe, or social standing. Whether under civil marriage or customary marriage, the basic principle remains that each spouse is a human being first.

Privileges, however, are benefits that flow from trust, responsibility, and cultural arrangements. In many Cameroonian communities, traditional structures often identify the husband as the head of the household. Among groups such as the Bamileke and the Fulani, leadership roles in marriage have historically been clearly defined. But leadership was never intended to mean domination. It was a responsibility to provide, protect, and guide. Authority in the home is a privilege sustained by wisdom and fairness not a right to control or silence.

Similarly, in many Cameroonian settings, a wife is entrusted with managing the home, nurturing children, and in some cases overseeing family trade or farming activities. This trust is a privilege rooted in confidence and competence. It is not an automatic entitlement to act without accountability. When either spouse assumes that their culturally assigned role gives them unquestionable power, conflict begins.

Bride price commonly called “dowry” further complicates this issue. In various parts of Cameroon, the exchange of gifts during traditional marriage ceremonies symbolises unity between families. Unfortunately, some interpret bride price as purchasing ownership of a woman. This is a dangerous distortion. Marriage customs are symbolic acts of alliance not commercial transactions. A husband does not gain ownership rights over his wife’s body or decisions because the bride price was paid. Her dignity and autonomy remain intact.

Nevertheless, exposure to global media, and increased female education have reshaped expectations within marriage. Women increasingly assert their legal and economic independence. This is positive when it reinforces equality and the protection of rights. However, confusion arises when empowerment is interpreted as freedom from responsibility. Equality does not eliminate mutual submission, patience, or sacrifice values long emphasised by elders during traditional marriage counselling.

Economic pressure and shifting gender roles can lead some men to cling to cultural authority as if it were an absolute right. Yet respect cannot be demanded by force, it is earned through character. Financial provision, too, is not a tool for control but an expression of partnership.

In the Cameroonian context, strong marriages are built when couples distinguish clearly between rights and privileges. Rights are non-negotiable protections of human dignity. Privileges are relational benefits nurtured by love, integrity, and responsibility. When spouses respect each other’s rights and treat leadership, intimacy, and trust as privileges to be cherished not exploited, they preserve both tradition and justice.

If Cameroon’s families are to remain strong amid social change, couples must return to this balance. Marriage should never be a battlefield of entitlement. It should be a covenant of mutual honour, where rights protect and privileges enrich.