"Marriage 50/50; Fair or Impossible?"

Myself @aspiya From #Bangladesh

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Greetings Splendid Individuals

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I'm looking forward to talking with you on "Marriage 50/50; Fair or Impossible?" organized by @ninapenda. Married life is one of the most loving part of human’s life where people cared about each other and they lived in love, trust understanding.

• Do you believe husbands and wives should share bills, house chores, and responsibilities 50/50? Why or why not?

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I believe husbands and wives don’t necessarily need to split bills, chores and responsibilities 50/50. Life simply doesn’t work like that, because each partner’s circumstances are unique. It is balance and fairness that matter, not strict equality. Whoever earns more money can contribute more financially, and the other partner can take on a larger share of household duties. Marriage to me is the partnership and support, where necessary, not splitting everything as if it’s a math problem.

• In your opinion, does “equal” always mean “fair” in marriage? Explain.

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I don’t necessarily think “equal” always means “fair” in marriage. Equality is a nice-sounding word in the abstract, but fairness has everything to do with circumstances. Like, if one of you makes more money or has a more stressful job, it isn’t always feasible to do everything precisely 50/50. Rather, each party should be able to contribute equally in some way, such as financially (you don’t have to pay equally but you should both pay your own way), around the house with chores or emotionally. To me, fair isn’t about equal sharing of the household work but understanding and being flexible and trying to fairly share what you can do.

• If one partner earns more money or has a busier job, should the other take on more house chores?

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I feel if one person makes more or has a busier job, the other person should do most of the house work.’ Marriage is not a competition, it’s about balance and teamwork. When one of you is providing more money, the other can contribute by running the household. This way, both of you are being valued equally and no one is overwhelmed. And that to me is what maintaining the peace in a relationship.

• What are practical ways couples can balance responsibilities without feeling stressed or unfairly treated?

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I think the best way for couples to both get their needs met without drama is to talk and listen but then I guess they wouldn’t have anything to gossip about. Both should come to the table literally and talk about what feels fair, in consideration of the other’s skills, jobs and time. Small gestures sharing the work of household chores, doing battle over kids so they don’t become indoctrinated by one parent or another and sharing responsibility for tasks can go a long way. I also value the appreciation we show to each other for all that’s done when it gets noticed, it just doesn’t get heavy. Smoother marriage is a reward when partners accommodate and give in, support not static calculations.

So, in the end, marriage is happiest when there is a lot of empathy and flexibility and less concern about 50/50 fairness. Now that’s what we call true balance holding one another up in any way we can.