"Marriage 50/50; Fair or Impossible?"

Source

•Do you believe husbands and wives should share bills, house chores, and responsibilities 50/50? Why or why not?

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When people talk about marriage, many like to say everything should be divided in half, but to me it never works exactly that way. Life is not always aequalis. Sometimes it feels foolish counting who paid which bill or who washed more dishes because love is not numbers. Marriage is not a shop where you pay and receive change. It’s vita communis, a shared life, messy and beautiful.

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One day maybe the husband earns more and takes care of rent, another time the wife carries more weight. There are moments when one person is strong, while the other feels weak. To me, that’s how coniugium is meant to move—like water, flexible. If we try to make every single duty 50/50, it may build silent anger. I believe it is better when each gives from their ability. That could mean sometimes it looks 60/40, other times 30/70. Nobody should keep score.

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I once saw a couple who tried that perfect split, and honestly it only made them fight. He kept saying, “I already did my 50, you do yours,” while she felt unloved. What’s the meaning of that? Where is caritas there? For me, better to let love decide.

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•In your opinion, does “equal” always mean “fair” in marriage? Explain.

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Equal and fair are not the same. Equalitas is like cutting bread in straight lines, but *iustitia"—"justice"—is deeper. A husband might work long hours under the hot sun, then still be asked to cook because “equal is equal.” That’s not fair. It looks neat on paper but feels heavy on the heart.

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Fairness in marriage is softer, shaped by reality. Sometimes it means one does more because the other cannot. Sometimes it means switching roles because things change. To me, fair is built on caritas and understanding. Equal can be cold like stone, but fair is alive.

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I like to picture it this way: as if two people are in a boat. If one is tired, the other rows harder. That is not equal but it is just. Aequitas means balance, not strict sameness. And balance is always shifting.

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Source

•If one partner earns more money or has a busier job, should the other take on more house chores?

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I would say yes, because that is the natural way of keeping peace. When one partner is already pouring labor into career, then the other can help more at home. Not because they are forced, but because love calls for mutua cura—"mutual care".

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Marriage is actually just like holding hands while walking up on a hill. If my partner climbs with a heavy load from work, I cannot stand there counting plates. I wash them. I sweep. I do what must be done. Tomorrow it might be reversed, who knows?

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Sometimes people think doing more chores means weakness, but it is not. It shows strength of love. Coniugium is carrying each other’s burdens. It doesn’t harm me to cook if he is tired, and it doesn’t harm him to clean if I am busy. That is how you keep peace in the home.

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•What are practical ways couples can balance responsibilities without feeling stressed or unfairly treated?

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Talking is number one. Veritas saves marriages. When we say the truth, we avoid quiet bitterness. A small list of tasks can help. Simple things like who cooks, who pays certain bills, who takes care of laundry. It makes life lighter because nobody feels lost.

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Another thing is swapping chores sometimes, so it doesn’t get boring. One day she cooks rice, the next day he tries. Even if he burns it, the effort shows love. Sharing is not only about equal work but about amicitia, friendship.

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I also think couples should look at the week together. If I know my partner has deadlines, I cover more. Then when my load gets heavy, he covers. Like a dance, moving back and forth.

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Stress often comes from expecting perfection. Marriage is not mathematics. It is amor vivus—"love that breathes". When you a decision to stop keeping score, you start keeping peace and peace will definitely reign. Fairness grows when both parties feel heard, valued and respected

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And in the end, balance you'll see that is not even a number. Balance is when we both smile after a long day, knowing neither of us feels used. That, to me, is true aequitas.

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I invite @promisezella @mayjay @peacemike to participate in this contest

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Cc,
@ninapenda

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