Is Cohabiting called Marriage?

In my community, it’s common to see a man and a woman living together, having children, and sharing responsibilities, yet people still say “they are not married.” Not even to talk of the one that happened recently. Just last week, there was a wedding ceremony, but when I looked at the couple, they already had about five children. The man didn’t pay the bride price before, but they lived together until he finally made it official to the bride’s family.

This made me think deeply about whether cohabiting can really be called marriage because there are people who are not married yet but do what married people do.

From my point of view, if a man lives with a woman and has children with her but does not pay her bride price, I see them as a couple, not married. From how I was raised, marriage is not only about love or staying together. It also involves family recognition and respect, especially to the woman’s family. Bride price plays that role in our culture.

In Akwa Ibom, we say “asim efibe” or “anam use”, meaning fornication. From what I believe, staying with a woman and having sexual intercourse with her without paying her bride price means she is not your wife yet. To me, that is wrong. Even calling them a couple doesn’t sound right to me. I think they are deceiving themselves.

In some cultures, if a man and a woman live together and have children, and unfortunately the woman dies, the man must still pay the bride price before she can be buried. Imagine paying bride price for a dead person — something that should have been done while the woman was alive.

I think cohabiting is becoming common because life is hard. Money is not easy, and many people are not ready for the full responsibilities of marriage. Some people move in together to understand each other better before taking the next step. These are some of the excuses people give.

I strongly disagree with the idea of cohabiting, even though some people see it as a step toward marriage, especially when intentions are not clear. If a man likes a woman, he should inform her family. Some families will even tell you, “We are not selling our daughter, do this and that, and it’s okay.”

Others use cohabiting with bad intentions. They say things like: "I want to know if the woman can give birth, I want to know her character, I want to know if she is wife material". In such situations, if there is a problem, it becomes hard to resolve because the woman may say, “You never paid anything for my head, so why should I tolerate this?” I strongly disagree with this approach.

One advantage people mention is that they get to understand each other’s habits and behavior early. They say staying together reveals things you won’t notice during dating. It makes some sense, since no one is perfect.

The disadvantage, especially for the woman, is insecurity. Without marriage, there is little protection or assurance if things go wrong. Family pressure and lack of commitment can also create serious problems. I know a case where a woman stayed with a man for years but couldn’t give birth. In the end, the man got another woman pregnant and sent her away.

Even when the woman’s family called the man to ask what the issue was, he didn’t bother. He simply said, “I can’t remember telling you people that I want to marry your daughter.” Just imagine.

This is a sensitive issue. Some people believe sexual compatibility should be tested before marriage, while others believe it should wait.

My view is that sex alone cannot determine whether a marriage will last. Respect, communication, and responsibility matter more. I once watched a video where a pastor advised his members to “taste before they buy,” meaning to have sex before marriage. According to him, some women cannot give birth but won’t say it.

The same applies to men. Some women complain that their husbands do not satisfy them sexually. Sometimes the complaint is that he doesn’t last long or isn’t good enough. But to me, sexual testing without commitment can create emotional attachment without security.

Who even brought this idea? Is it not our generation? Where in the world do people divorce simply because a man doesn’t last long? Na only our generation. God will help us.

To me, cohabiting is not the same as marriage. Staying together may help people understand each other, but it should not involve sex without commitment. Cohabiting should not replace cultural recognition, responsibility, and respect. Marriage still means something deeper than just living under the same roof.

So if you are ready to settle down, tell that beautiful lady, go and see her family, collect the list, do what you can, and take your wife home.

Nothing is sweeter than enjoying the wife of your youth 😁
Chai.

I invite @suryati1, @sualeha and @Ihorgic to participate in this contest.

Cc;
@steem4nigeria