SAC-Wk122 — Is Cohabiting called Marriage?

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If someone lives with a woman and bears children without paying her bride price, do we say they are couples or married?

I would say that this depends on customs/traditions, religion and law that is found in many African countries.

We all know bride price to be the key requirement for any marriage and so if someone lives with a woman and starts child bearing, they did it on their own terms and could be considered as husband and wife but not under any law. This simply means that the man in question is not answerable to anyone should anything happen to the woman.

In our everyday life, we see such couples living together and having kids, they are generally called couples or husband and wife. Until bride price is done, they are considered as couple not married.

What's your view on cohabiting? Is it a short cut to getting married?

Cohabiting is not a shortcut to marriage, its only a choice and its outcome is dependent on intentions, values and commitment.

Cohabiting is just simply defined as two people (male and female) who live together to start up a family without any formal marriage.
Some people see cohabiting as a way to test compatibility or a modern way of living/marriage. Cohabiting can only lead to marriage at the end when both partners have agreed at the begining to do so.

Although even with the agreement, when cohabiting sets in, comfort sets in and then comes procrastination which might finally not end in marriage.

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Are there advantages or disadvantages of cohabiting?

Of course, whatever has a good side definitely has a bad side;

Advantages:

• Understanding each other: Living together opens the eyes of partners to see the flaws, habits and attitudes of their partner. This way, they get understand how each other operate and live. They either adjust or correct it.

• Shared responsibilities: Bills, chores are shared among partners and this helps to reduce work load on one person and shows teamwork.

• Testing compatibility: Some see it as a period to know and find out if their partner is compatible for them all round before making a lifetime commitment.

Disadvantage:

• Avoided marriage: The level of convenience gotten from cohabiting either makes the partner forget marriage or keep postponing it till forever.

• Lack of commitment: When one partner sees cohabiting as temporary, the other see it as a step into marriage. This confusion can lead to disappointment.

Is it good to sexually test the person you want to marry before considering to marry them? What's your viewpoint?

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Sexually testing the person you want to marry is not a guarantee to a peaceful or steady marriage. Even though she is compatible in bed, what happens to character? Are you not supposed to test it too?

For me, there is nothing like testing, it is a waste of time. If you love someone with all sincerity, you go ahead to marry the person and build your home.

Although sex is an important part of any marriage and it shouldn't be ignored to avoid trouble tomorrow. Many marriages fail not because of sex, but because of poor communication, lack of respect or compatible values. Sex should not be the foundation for deciding marriage as marriage excels more on trust, commitment, communication and character.

In a nutshell, marriage is a blessing and should be done in the right way. God instituted marriage and blessed it so that any couple who comes in excels. Sex should not be the foundation or you make love languages the foundation, because it cannot replace maturity, wisdom and commitment.

I invite @pandora2010 @shahidalinaz