SLC-S29/W3-“Thinking and Ideas!| Seeing Problems Differently!”
Identify one everyday problem in your community or country and explain some steps in solving them.
In my community, the problem of “failed marriages” has become the oder of the day. It looks so simple and easy to marry the wrong the person and then divorce without looking back. I'd thought marriage was a life time investment not a short time.
Marriage I know was ordained by God and anyone entering into marriage is already entering into blessings and I still wonder why we have these young ones flying into marriage and flying out even after having children.
I know someone who go married and after 4-6 years of marriage, she ran out and said this was not what she expected. My God! so marriages now carry expectations and not to build and develop your home. She splitted the kids, two to the husband, and two to herself. After she left the marriage, she came back to her mother's house and started following men around until she was confirmed dead. The legal husband still came back and took his children back home. It was a very tragic story.
Some simple steps to solve this problem
- Marry right
Make sure to marry the right man /woman for you or you end up frustrated in that marriage. Before marriage, there should be a time of devotion to God, ask questions for clarity and be sure you are on the right track, because this is a life time thing and it shouldn't be joked with. Have a serious time with your God and prayer fervently.
- Delete so many expectations
Before entering marriage, it's best you don't have your hopes built on anything because you will finally get disappointed. Don't expect that man who smokes before marriage to stop smoking because he married you. Don't expect a stingy partner to start their giving habit because they got married, or a nag to stop because of marriage, ah it will not work.
- Have a good communication platform
It might seem so easy, but this is not easy at all. Most couples fail in this. Communicate well before marriage and after marriage, this would give your marriage a head way to its destination. As couples, you should be able to stand your ground and speak about your partner, where she could be at a specific time or what she could be doing, who she could be with or when she would return home. Communication only creates room for this.
- Stop comparison
Comparison kills marriage faster than the enemy's attack. You should mind your business and focus on being content with your own. Don't compare your wife to your friend's wife or your past relationships, or compare your husband with your pastor, all these are irrelevant. Build your home the way you want it to be and have peace in it.
Why do you think this problem still exists despite many people noticing it?
This problem still exist because the devil has blocked the minds of men to see the problem in marriages. The devil himself is using marriages now to get at the children of God. Imagine a peaceful home all of a sudden started experiencing war, chaos, trouble up and down with same reason that would normally be settled after a short time.
Another reason could be ignorance. Yes, “that it happened to Mr Obi does not mean it will happen to me”. Not finding out the problem for Mr Obi's failed marriage could also lead to another's failed marriage. It is not a gossip, it you taking note and getting better in your marriage. I don't care has destroyed most beautiful homes.
This problem still exist because some of the young ones who are entering marriages today are not enlightened. Most of them just get married because of beauty, or sex habit, or curves, without considering other factors. Marriage is totally different from friendship, but most of them still bring in that leg of friendship into marriage, leading to their failure in marriage.
In your opinion, what is the most misunderstood part of this problem?
The most misunderstood part of this problem is emotional safety, because most times people think that marriage ended because the love disappeared but when you check well, the love is still intact. I used to think failed marriages are about; cheating, money issue, truly these things are relevant but beneath lies a quiet issue people don't talk about.
Believe me, a marriage can end without any form of abuse, beating or shouting, just because one partner's voice was no longer heard could kill it all. That moment people starts saying “I'm fine,” just know that they are emotionally drained.
When silence revolves round any marriage, it is worst than having argument, at least you would say your mind but with silence, it's dangerous. Most failed marriages didn't lack love, they lacked understanding, emotional commitment, communication, and consistency.
If you could change one mindset related to this issue, what would it be?
It would be that mindset of “expectations in marriage”. I think marriages shouldn't be laid on expectations, it should rather be on shared commitments and understanding.
Marriage should stand on mutual understanding not assumptions, communications not mind-reading, shared values not perfection. Marriage should be a place of peace and safety. When feelings dies off in marriage, values holds a marriage firm when feelings fluctuate.
I invite @sadaf02 @polash123
Hi @passtord, welcome to thinking and ideas week 3
I am so touched right now because failed marriages has become normal thing in town mostly for young couples. I feel most of them aren't ripe for marriage yet or maybe they don't have the basic foundation for marriage.
Your points are valid and true, I hope it gets better soon.