SLC-S29/W4-“Thinking and Ideas!| Rethinking the Normal!”

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Rethinking the normal gave me an insight of so many ongoings around which people has turn blind eyes to and adopted it as a lifestyle. There are numerous things that aches, and whenever it is being raised, people say it is normal. I jist wish something could be done honestly.

In this challenge, I would share with us the unspoken rule in relationships that says, “love must be proven through tolerance of discomfort”

Name one practice, belief, or system that people accept as normal but should be questioned.

In many relationships, it is considered normal that if you truly love someone, you will have to endure things that discomfort you and I wonder why it should be? Endure consistent arguments, unmet need, emotional trauma, repeated disappointment etc. When you finally question all of these, people refer it as “unable to love deeply”, “too demanding” and not “patient enough.”

I have seen countless marriages where these issues led to the death of one partner because they questioned, because they were tired of being silent. You know, what makes this belief dangerous is the fact that no one says “love means suffering” yet people are suffering in love. When someone feels uneasy, they should adjust themselves rather than examine.

This rule works where commitment is exalted but emotional safety is not considered. People stay silent to keep peace and harmony just because they want people to see the union as the best while they die silently.

I don't see wny reason why someone should feel discomfort and still endure just because it is seen as normal? This is absolute nonsense. When a relationship isn't condusive, people should learn to walk away than staying and dying in it.

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Why do you think people rarely challenge it?

People rarely challenge it because it is surrounded by fear, reward and storytelling. Lets break it down;

• Fear

The fear of being alone has destabilized most people in relationships, they rather stay there and endure the discomfort than go through the stress of being alone, being judged or starting over. Like for me, it seems their partner is doing them a favour by being with them. Silence feels safer for them.

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• Rewards

This is mainly tagged social rewards; those who endure discomfort are seen as “strong”, patient”, “husband and wife material”, people celebrate endurance publicly with praises but those who walk away, or speak up are often called “dramatic, selfish or tough”

• Storytelling

Religious teachings, cultural advice, movies, and songs frame love as sacrifice without considering mutual care. Pain is romanticized as proof of depth so questioning it is as good as questioning love itself.

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What could improve if this “normal” way
changed?

A lot would improve;

Relationships would become a safe place for couples and last longer. People would feel free to identify discomfort at early stage instead of storing it for long years of emotional build up. Love would be choice rooted in care and not endurance.

It won't be so difficult for partners to play the role of the “understanding one”, or “the strong one”. They could easily show off their feelings without the fear of being abandoned.

Boundaries in relationships would stop being mistaken as rejection. When one partner says “this doesn't work for me”, it won't be mistaken as cruelty but clarity. People would have options to choose, either stay or walk away with dignity and not guilt.

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What might be lost if it disappeared completely?

If this belief disappeared, a few things could be lost;

• The capacity to stay with temporary discomfort. Some moments of discomfort are moments of growth, learning, and conflict resolution. Without this norm, people might mistake any discomfort as incompatibility and end things before the real understanding forms.

• Sacrifice; You know people can do anything for love, willingly choosing discomfort for love is meaningful only when it is reciprocated.

• Tolerance; every relationship has a moment when one partner is feeling down, stressed or struggling. Now, if tolerance disappeared completely, relationships would be more fragile.

I invite @pandora2010 @polash123 @bdwomen