SAC-Wk122 — Is Cohabiting called Marriage?

In many cultures, particularly across Africa, marriage is more than just two people living together or having children.

It is a sacred bond that involves families, traditions, commitment, and responsibility. This is why the topic of bride price and cohabitation continues to spark deep discussions among both men and women.

In my view, they are couples, but not married in the traditional sense.

Marriage, in its truest form, is not only about love or sharing a home; it also involves recognition and honor. Bride price is not about buying a woman, as some may misunderstand it, but rather a symbolic gesture of respect for her family and an acknowledgment of shared responsibility. Without this formal process, a relationship may have love and children, but it lacks the cultural and societal recognition that defines marriage in many communities. Unfortunately, this often leaves the woman in a weaker position, as her status may not be fully protected in case of difficulties.

Cohabiting has become more common, especially in modern times, due to economic pressures, fear of commitment, or convenience.

While some see it as a step toward marriage, I believe it is not a guaranteed way to reach it. In many cases, cohabitation actually delays marriage rather than speeding it up. When all the elements that resemble marriage—companionship, intimacy, and shared household duties—are already present without a formal commitment, the urgency to formalize the relationship may lessen. A woman, in particular, may put in a lot of effort in hopes of marriage, only to find herself "almost married" for years without the promise of a real union.

Cohabiting does have some seen benefits.

It allows couples to get to know each other’s habits, financial attitudes, and daily routines. It can also reveal incompatibilities early on. However, the downsides often outweigh these benefits. Emotional insecurity, lack of legal protection, societal judgment, and unequal commitment are common challenges. Women are more likely to carry the emotional and social burden if the relationship ends. Without formal recognition, the sacrifices made during cohabitation may go unnoticed or unacknowledged.

This is a sensitive topic, and I believe it deserves a thoughtful and gentle response.

While some may argue that sexual compatibility is important, I believe that marriage should not be based solely on sexual testing. True intimacy develops through trust, communication, patience, and emotional safety. Sexual connection can be nurtured within marriage when there is love and mutual respect. Focusing on sexual testing before marriage may shift the focus away from values, character, and long-term compatibility. It can also lead to emotional bonding without commitment, which may result in heartbreak.

In conclusion, marriage should be entered with intention, honor, and clarity. A woman’s worth should never be reduced to convenience or unfulfilled promises. Love is beautiful, but commitment gives love a home. As women, choosing wisely means valuing ourselves enough to seek relationships that offer security, respect, and dignity—not just affection.