If someone lives with a woman and bears children without paying her bride price do we say they are couples or married?

Marriage is a respected institution in many African cultures including Nigeria. Traditionally marriage involves the payment of bride price family introduction and acceptance from both families. When someone lives with a woman and bears children without paying her bride price many people still ask if they should be called couples or married. In my own view such people are couples but not fully married. This is because marriage is not just about living together or having children but about following cultural and sometimes religious steps that make the union official. Even if they love each other without bride price and family approval most African societies will not recognize them as husband and wife.

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What's your view on cohabiting? Is it a short cut to getting married?

Cohabiting has become very common today especially among young people. Many people choose to live together before marriage to understand each other better. My view on cohabiting is that it is a personal choice but it is not the same as marriage. Some people see it as a short cut to getting married but I don’t fully agree. Cohabiting does not always lead to marriage. In fact many relationships end while cohabiting because there is no strong commitment. When peoples know they can leaves at any times they may not put in their best effort to make the relationships work.

Are there advantages or disadvantages of cohabiting?

There are both advantages and disadvantges of cohabiting. One advantages is that couples get to know each other’s habits behavior and lifestyle. This can help them decide if they are truly compatible before marriage. Cohabiting can also reduce the pressure of marriage and help people plan better financially. However the disadvantages are many. There is usually less commitment and one partner can easily walk away especially if problems arise. Women often suffer more in cohabiting relationships especially if children are involved. In many cases the woman may not have legal or cultural protection if the relationship ends. Also families may not respect such unions which can lead to shame or conflict.

Is it good to sexually test the person you want to marry before considering to marry them? What's your viewpoint?

Whether it is good to sexually test the persons you wanted to marry before considering marriages. This is a very sensitive topic. Some people believes sexual compatibility is importants and that testing before marriage helps avoid future problems. However in my opinion this practice has more disadvantages than advantages. Sexual testing before marriage can reduce the value of commitment and self-control. It can also lead to emotional pain if the relationship does not end in marriage. In many cultures and religions sex before marriage is discouraged because it is believed to weaken trust and respect. Instead of sexual testing I believe communication understanding and shared values are more important in marriage. Couples should talk openly about their expectations health status and future plans. Medical tests can be done for health reasons but sex should not be used as a test for marriage. True compatibility goes beyond physical intimacy.

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