If I Could Change One Thing

I wish I had believed more in myself and not allowed anyone to make me feel more or less like myself. Growing up, I was a dark-skinned child, a kind of dark complexion that makes only my eyes visible in the night; because of that, I was always insulted and bullied by my classmates.

I felt bad and withdrew from social activities. I hated going to school; I hated going out of the house. I begged my mom each time she went to the market to buy a cream or lotion that would change my dark skin tone.

I had fewer friends, and because of this attitude, I got bullied both at school and at home. At one point, a teacher who was leading a morning assembly on the topic of personal care brought me out along with a fair-skinned student and started talking about how if you take care of yourself, you'll be glowing and fair like the fair-skinned student, and if not, your colour will turn to the dark-skinned student's.

I felt so bad that day, and when I went home, my mum saw my facial expression and was worried. I didn't want to tell her what happened because I was scared she'd come to my school and create a scene and make the teachers hate me more. She was angry, but she calmed me down and assured me that everything would be alright. My dad travelled, and when he got back the following day, I was already at school.

My mom told him what happened, and he got upset and rushed to the school. He was so mad that he almost fought with the security man that was telling him not to create a scene. He took me home that day, and that was how I stopped going to that school. My parents kept changing my school; I changed schools up to 4 times before I got to primary 3. This slowed down my academic progress. My parents and big sis, especially my mom, were my only motivation.

She kept on reassuring me that black is beautiful and that I'll soon be the envy of other people around. I held on to her words, but I still wasn't myself; the happy and social vibes in me dropped at a high rate, and I turned into an introvert and a person of low self-esteem.

But now, looking back at all this, I only can laugh at myself.

The experience made me lose my self-esteem and reshaped my entire life; to date, I still find it hard to socialise with people.

Even though everyone around admires my skin colour now

If I could go back in time, the one thing I wish I could change is how much I allowed other people’s opinions to define how I saw myself. Growing up, I was a dark-skinned child, and instead of being taught that my skin was beautiful, I was made to feel like it was something wrong.

I was insulted and bullied by classmates, and I was even called names like “blackie charcoal” and "aboki", which made me feel like I didn’t belong. Because of that, I started believing them. I withdrew from social activities, avoided school when I could, and even begged my mom to buy creams that could “change” my skin tone. Looking back, I wish I had believed in myself earlier and not allowed anyone to make me feel like I was less because of how I looked.

What went wrong was not just the bullying from classmates, but also how normal it was for people to make harmful comparisons without thinking of the emotional impact. I still remember a teacher during a morning assembly using me and another student as an example while talking about personal care. The way she compared us made it seem like fairness was equal to beauty and care, while dark skin was presented in a negative light.

That moment broke something in me. I went home feeling embarrassed, and even though my parents tried to support me, the deed has been done, which has also created a hole in me. I changed schools multiple times, and my confidence level dropped, and I slowly became withdrawn and also lost interest in a lot of things.

The biggest lesson I learned is that people’s words can shape your mindset, but they don’t have to define your identity forever. I also learned that ignorance can come from places you least expect, even from adults who are supposed to guide you.

My mom always told me, “Black is beautiful,” and even though I struggled to believe it at the time, those words stayed with me. Over time, I began to understand that beauty is not tied to skin colour and that self-worth must come from within, not from external validation. I also learnt empathy in a deeper way because I now understand how painful it is to be mocked or labelled unfairly.

That experience shaped me into someone who is more cautious, more observant, and at times introverted, especially in new environments. I still find it difficult to socialise freely because of how deeply those early experiences affected my confidence. However, it also made me stronger in ways I am still discovering. It helped me learn to treat people equally regardless of their appearance or background.

Today, I’m very sensitive to how people are treated, and I always try to stand by anyone who is bullied, left out, or feeling depressed because I know what it feels like to be in that place. Even though I still carry some of those scars, I also carry growth. I’ve learnt to value self-acceptance, and I’m slowly learning to take my space in the world without apology while also being a voice for others who feel unseen.