True Confessions From My Personal "Archives of Yesteryear" (The Mum)
Inundated messages of violence through the mediums of television, cinema and music can have severely detrimental effects on your average male teen. To the extent of bringing these scenarios kicking and screaming into the arena of physical reality. The consequences of which being both humorous and idiotic all at once. However, the end result is almost certainly always the same. An aftermath of serious regret.
My good buddy, Lee, had the brainstorming idea of paying myself a visit to show off the new love of his life. A spring-loaded air gun. I remember him pulling it from the inside of his duffel jacket and pointing it straight at my face. Nice introduction. I also recall his trousers pockets being stuffed full of minute, leaded pellets to be used as ammunition. To be honest, this was a "toy" I'd always wanted to get my hands on. Shooting something, even if through the sights of a "pretend" pistol, sounded too cool to pass up. After a short briefing on the instructions regarding gun reloading, it was time to test it out.
From the comfort of my bedroom window, the first half hour was spent shooting at pigeons flying to and from a huge tree several gardens down. Though none actually hit the birds, a select few gave subtle mid-flight twitches to, I assume, narrowly avoid a nasty sting from the tiny whizzing projectiles. It was fun and we were indeed cracking up at our hapless feathered friends flitting through the barrage of gunfire unscathed. However, things got a little stale not too long after. Boredom soon set in. Which is a breeding ground for impending disaster were two disturbed teens are concerned.
"Damn these pigeons, man." Groaned Lee, watching yet another one flap away into the distance. "Can't you aim a little ahead of their flight path to hit them proper like?" I looked at him as if he'd just asked me to french kiss him. "Are you crazy? It's your gun, man. Why didn't you buy one of those gas powered shooters instead? The spring is this thing is shit." Lee shook his head, continuing to mumble something about my crappy aim.
Just as the next level of boredom was fast approached, I spied a mother and her young offspring, making their way back presumably from the school up the road.
"Oh, mate" Lee muttered under his breath. "The perfect target... A mum."
"Are you crazy?" I howled back. "This shit will never reach her. I'll be surprised it'll even make it to the damn road." The look I got from Lee said it all. "Or could it just be that you're the shittiest shot I've ever seen. Just give it a go, man."
The loving pair were now in full view, with a couple of metres until they were to disappear behind the walled brickwork of our house. I'm not entirely sure the sequence of mental events that pushed me into the act itself. Pure desperation to prove him wrong? Or maybe some sadistic superficial streak surfacing to see whether or not it could actually be done. But, it was already too late. The hands reacted before the brain could stop them. I opened fire with three consecutive shots in their direction, me peering just over the metal sight affixed to the top of the muzzle. Before I had time to admire the precision of my handwork, a loud "OOWWW" rang into the air. We both dropped to the floor, panic and fear setting in fast. This was actually "not" what I expected.
"Are you nuts?" Lee shout-whispered at me. "I didn't think you'd go ahead with it, you dumbass!"
"Man, I swear I didn't think it would have even reached her." I confessed nervously. "Just keep your head down and mouth shut." The seconds past by without anyone of us saying a word. This was all one big misunderstanding, I kept telling myself. Just lay low a little while longer and I may just skip out on getting caught. However, a jarring fist banging on the door below jolted us to attention. In my mind, a wave of terror passed over me as I wondered how in the hell the mother had figured out where I live? In pretty much the same instant, I knew. The damned open window...
I opened the front door to a red-faced and ever-so-angry spindly woman coupled with her slightly confused little daughter. I was literally shitting bricks. "What the bloody hell is wrong with you? You could have taken my eye out!" Seeing as she was standing directly behind my front gate, I stepped out to offer some semblance of an explanation, but kept coming up blank. There seemed like nothing left to do but grovel at her feet for mercy, in addition to pleading with her not to call the cops. I also noticed her glancing up to the window above every so often to which I then proceeded to do the same. Lee was seen to be jumping around, laughing hysterical and flailing his arms with glee at the trouble I found myself in. Hang on a minute, I thought. This is too good to pass up on.
"Miss." I began, with a bit more confidence than before. "I'm so sorry. As you can see, my brother... Well, he's not very well. He somehow got his hands on my air gun and started firing it randomly into the street. It just so happened you were passing by and got hit. My mother cares for him and will be home soon. Please don't let her find out. I was suppose to be in charge of him today. I'm so very sorry."
The woman, still seething with rage, looked up again. Well, I'm not sure how she perceived the visage of Lee prancing around at the time, but his performance at my window was deemed credit worthy enough for my story to carry weight. She stared back at me, daggers in her eyes. "Well, you bloody well make sure you look after him better from now on. Either that or keep him locked up in a cage!"
Oh, it was beautiful. Poetry in motion. A close call, but Lee had saved the day. Unknowingly I grant you, but still very welcome indeed...
