Not too shabby! I liked the idea behind your story and thoroughly enjoyed the way you described everything. Made it pretty easy to picture in my head ;)
If I could, though, I would like to offer some suggestions about style, spacing, and just overall formatting. Respond to my comment if you wouldn't mind :)
Well, I had been writing it on and off again through gmail and saving it there so I can work on it at work as well as home. Haven't been fired, so....yea.