"To Get The Girl: Plan, Visualise, Eject"

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There's A First Time For Everything

This happened more than five years back, and it was the very first time in my life that I had asked anyone out. I had taken interest in a sweet girl who worked as a waitress in a restaurant our workers and I used to go to to conduct out preparations and business plans before we had established Huggson E. Inc. I had yet to speak a single word to her, because I was so shy. And so I figured out a plan on how to better approach her the very first time. I sat at home in full–blown social isolation and planned out exactly how to go about this girl in real-time when me and the rest of my then-startup team went to the restaurant the very next time.

Part 2: Action

I ran as fast as I could towards the restaurant entrance with a big, confident smile on my face, smiling at every single person I passed on my way there. I came in shirtless, jumped up onto the table and screamed like a monkey. I was sure she would appreciate it, because I had already envisioned the whole thing in my mind just before I did it. I started singing my favorite progressive metal album and didn't stop when the restaurant crew came out to the dining area as a result of the noise I was making. I hit every single note in every song, and I sang every word verbatim while simultaneously keeping a perfect tempo. I looked at her. She looked at me. The next step was to not break eye-contact. I jumped off the table I was standing on and leaped to the next. I did not break eye-contact. Neither did she. I knew she liked it. I hopped to another table, this time closing in on the chefs and waiters who were standing there. I jumped to the nearest one when they gently stopped me with their hand on my hip, but I did not stop singing, and I did not break eye-contact with the girl I liked. They said to me very loudly, as I was screeching out a G#5 from the top of my lungs: "We will offer you and your startup team free food forever!" That is how much they liked it. The next thing I thought was given how much the crew liked it, neither of which I had taken a romantic interest in, the girl could only like it more. She did.

The Conquering

A mere second after the head chef of the restaurant had announced to me a lifetime supply of some of the best restaurant food in the world, the girl stood up on one of the tables, yelled something extremely high pitched, generated momentum and leaped towards me. I'm not one with an ability to do three things at once, and given that I was doing way more than that at that very moment – since almost all of my neural activity was wasted on those things, I failed to generate enough strength to catch this goddess of cuteness. We tumbled to the floor together, and I hit the left side of my head on the restaurant wooden bar desk. It did not stop me from enjoing the most crucial moment of my entire life: I loved it. She hugged me. At that moment, every single.

I had to go to the hospital, but I had conquered this beast of dopamine-injecting goodness of complete madness-provoking charm. I had her number. She gave it to me as they rolled me out on the stroller. I was content, and as I was being driven to the ER, I felt that if I were to die today, all would be well.

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