My road towards Peace & Perspective
I don’t think life ever really turns out the way you think it will. Not that this is a bad thing… it is just never the straight line I think we all hope it will be.Mine has definitely looked a lot more like a scribble… like a big ball of mess haha - just kidding, (mostly!) but I have come to be okay with that.
When I was younger, I thought I had it waxed. Had all the boxes lined up, and I was ready to tick every one of them. Big plans, big ambition, big ideas. I knew exactly how it was going to go… and then it didn’t. Because that’s what life does. It interrupts your plans… constantly, and it is always messing with the script when you are not looking.
When I think back at the naivety of my youth, I just smile and shake my head at just how hard I used to hold onto things that didn’t actually matter. At the time, obviously, they felt massive and I suppose, in some ways, they were - they had their place and moment. But now? They don’t even feature in my thoughts, let alone hold space in my actual life.
The things that do matter to me now are the things I barely noticed back then. Simple things. Real things. Simplicity, peace and feeling good in my own skin. All the good stuff. The stuff no one teaches you to look for when you’re 20 and trying to conquer the world in heels that don’t fit.
I remember hearing older family members talking about how they wouldn’t want to go back to their twenties for anything. I used to think they were mad. I get it now. I really do. I do not really think that life actually gets any easier, we just get better at navigating it. Eventually… with plenty twists and turns along the way for sure!
I never did become that famous singer I dreamed of being when I was like 8 years old.. and I didn’t end up in my once bosses chair like I said I would in that one job interview all those years ago. Instead, I built something of my own from the ground up and that means more to me now than any title under someone elses umbrella ever could have! I have changed so much!
Priorities have shifted. The energy I used to give to people and problems that weren’t worth it… I have taken back and reclaimed for myself. I no longer feel the need to fix, please or prove. All of that has been replaced with something far more valuable - focus on myself.
No, it is not perfect - a long way from, in fact… There are still days where I feel a bit unsure or tired or fed up and those will probably continue as I move forward, but I am just not chasing anymore… not sprinting or even jogging… I’m walking. I am not trying to tick boxes anymore either - I am just trying to live well. Happily and filling my time and space with things that fulfill me.
I am VERY okay with getting older. I have earned the right to say no. To walk away from nonsense and to use my voice. To choose my own pace. There is a wonderful sort of “liberation” that comes along with knowing you’ve got nothing to prove to anyone anymore.
I don't want the noise. I want meaning. All I want is to have real conversations with genuine people. I want to be surrounded by the kind of individuals who are not competing with one another (or themselves) or pretending to be something/someone they are not! Just people who are honest enough to admit they they too are also just trying to make sense of it all, but who still manage to laugh, and love, and make moments worth remembering.
I did not conquer the world or take over the world pinky and the brain style…. But I did make my story my own and I have always done that with my whole heart… and will continue to do just that.
❤❤❤
Until next time...
Much Love from Country Bumpkinland, South Africa xxx
Jaynielea
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