Thoughts from the Front Line: The REAL Front Line Where People Die

I just learned that a friend of mine has lost her husband.

For the past two weeks, he has been in the hospital. It began when she rushed him in with severe stomach pain and vomiting. Turned out he had a twisted hiatal hernia that needed surgery.

She was not allowed to be in the hospital at any point with him. She frantically assured he had his phone and the charger. After the surgery she was able to track down the doctor and speak to her for a few moments. A few moments. That was all. This is not a busy hospital right now. It is right down the street from us and is operating at low capacity.

After that she kept calling frequently, but could not get nurses to answer many questions. Her husband was unable to call her after the third day because his phone and the charger went missing. She was told it didn’t matter because she shouldn’t speak to him because it might agitate him and make him difficult to care for. She was not allowed to speak to a doctor again. She has spent the past few weeks on the phone, struggling to find anyone who would speak to her or let her just speak with her husband.

She did not find out his phone had gone missing until she repeatedly demanded to speak with him and was told he was not allowed to because he wasn’t allowed to touch anyone else’s phone and his was missing. She discovered that he was in terrible pain because his pain medication for chronic back issues was not being administered. He was being left lying flat on his back because the staff said they might have to resuscitate him. This left him in agony and the staff decided to tie him to the bed so he could not try to change position or get up. When my friend convinced a nurse to let her husband talk to her by shouting at the nurse’s phone, he was pleading for help and describing how his socks were hurting him - he was delerious and did not realize he was tied to the bed. She called a patient advocate to try to get communication set up and was told the patient advocate would do nothing because they are no longer allowed into the hospital.

After being in the hospital over two weeks, she was told her husband needed an emergency procedure and she needed to sign off on do not resucitate orders (after he had been left on his back for many days in case he needed resuscitation). She was called two hours later and told he had died and she could come in the morning to view his body and pick up his things. That’s it. So sorry, he didn’t make it, it’s safe enough for you to view his body.

His phone, with all the contact information for their business, was still missing until she informed the nurses she was going to file a police report for missing property, at which point the phone was abruptly returned.

It was considered not permissible for her to spend a single minute with her husband while he was alive, but when he was dead it was fine to come in and View. His. Body. Suddenly she was no risk.

Folks, I do not have words.

Father help us, the love of many has gone cold. I am sick for my friend.