The Only Neighbor I Have Ever Wanted to Hit
They say that if you don’t have any loud neighbors, it is because you are the loud neighbor.
They also say that good fences make good neighbors.
In my life I have had all sorts of neighbors, most of them were easy enough to get along with, and none have I ever wanted to hit.
There were the neighbors who did not pick up their dog poop and made the backyard inhibitable because of the smell, but the “truth'' was that at the time, our back yard was not so comfortable to be in anyway, so it was not a big deal.
There were the neighbors who yelled at me (in front of my child) for parking in “their” street parking spot, but I recognized that they were mistaken. I was the only brown person who lived on the street, so when brown people who were working on another neighbor’s house parked in front of them, they blamed me. I got them back by stealing all the oranges from their tree and eating them in front of them AND parking in front of their house for the rest of my tenancy. (I was young, don’t judge.)
There were also the neighbors, who knocked on my door when my babies were sleeping to “play,” the neighbors who sent their kids to my house to “play,” the neighbors who were noisy, the ones who were nosy, the ones who cooked stinky, and even the ones who were just too “nice.”
Never had I ever wanted to punch any of them in the nose.
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Here is what happened. My car broke down and my 7 year old who had never been left alone, came home on the school bus to a locked house.
When I finally got home I was frantically looking for my daughter, she was not patiently waiting on the steps like I had instructed her to do in case there was ever an emergency.
Are you looking for a little light haired girl?
Asked my neighbor.
Poor thing, she was waiting outside for a long time and kept knocking and knocking on the door crying. She was so, so sad.
She continued in a slooooooow drawl.
I responded in the least rude way I could muster:
Did you see where she went?
I asked in a curt, cutting tone, which is much different than the tones I like to use on any of the elders in my community.
She went on to describe my mom. I was relieved.
And still wanted to punch her in the nose.
Why? Why did I want to punch her in the nose? Because I have been living here since July, and she sees me with my children EVERY single DAY. More than once per day. My daughter plays with her grandson. Her grandon knocks on my door every weekend.
When she is looking for her grandson, by yelling out his name, I send my younger kids to get him so that she doesn’t worry for too long.
She has seen my mom numerous times.
SHE KNOWS WHO WE ARE.
And I know she’s not blind. If she was, her grandson wouldn’t describe her as:
“Watching tv eating.” She also wouldn’t be able to walk across the street to 7 Eleven to buy her daily coffee, without assistance.
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Not only did she not offer my daughter any comforting words, she also did not acknowledge that I take care of the kid on a daily basis, she also took the time to tell me (an obviously frantic person) how the kid was crying before letting me know that the kid was safe. And she was all around annoying on a time when I needed support.
My pettiness is coming out, but I don’t feel like waving at her and telling her good morning anymore.
I think I am just gonna pretend I don’t see her.
Not that it will make a difference to her.
Maybe I should really just punch her in the nose.
PS. The day after this happened, she talked to me. She asked me if I had seen her grandson. I am starting to think that she thought she was helpful.
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Pettiness is particularly grating when you're stressed.
A few months ago I saw a news snippet on TV, that a man in his 30's had been found dead in his house on the same street my brother (in his 30's) lives on.
I messaged him, and got no response. (very much unlike him).
I messaged our parents, who went round to check on him and found his house locked.
After over an hour of trying to find out, I drove to the nearby police station and asked the cop at the front desk.
Gave him my brother's name and address (whole family's starting to get worried now, particularly as he has a 9 yo daughter).
Absolute bastard; could not have been less helpful.
Looked at me like I was something he scraped off his shoe.
Started asking inane questions, like 'Have you tried calling him?'
'Have you been around to his house?'
I understand they can't share information about an investigation; but if you're investigating a possible murder, 2 hours ago, 5 streets over and I walk in asking about a specific person, it should be fairly straightforward to just do me a solid, deign to look down at your computer and let me know he's not the guy.
He eventually told me that the detectives were still at the house, and I knew my parent's hadn't seen anyone when they went to check my brother's house, so figured he was okay.
Turns out they were at the movies.
No business with competitors would have this dipshit on the front desk for longer than 15 minutes.
I think they just love the power of having information you desperately need; and don't want to give it up by sharing.
I felt your frustration while reading your comment.
The worse part is that the person you were dealing with is hired to be a public servant, that means that they are supposed to be helpful to you.
I am very happy to hear that your brother is well.
Some people have no idea how to interact with people, and have no idea how they come across to others. Deep breaths! xxx
Yes, I have to remind myself that often. I was a lot more forgiving when I was living in Alameda, and there were people from all walks of life and from basically everywhere living as my neighbors. Here in Chula Vista, it is a much larger city, but most of us are from here, or came from very close by. We are right next to the border so my parents grew up "in a different country" but I still went to school with the children of the same people they went to school with and now my kids go to school with them etc etc. I went to high school with her son!
But I guess, either that doesn't mean anything or she, like you said, doesn't know how to interact with others.
Thanks for stopping by and having a read.
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