Adventures of the Viking-kind Part 0.01

Many of you might be wondering "how did a Viking end up on the southern tip of Africa?" I will tell you this story, but be warned: it may be very graphic (or not, I have no idea).

It all began one day when I was out raiding on my boat. The sky grew dark and the wind started blowing. For 9 minutes and 12 seconds, it blew and blew and, finally, just gave up. Because I didn't feel like going anywhere. I sat there, looking at the clouds who ran off looking for some other poor person to blow off-course. Then I realised I was getting hungry from all this narration. So I started to row to the nearest shoreline I could see. After only a few quick strokes later, I came ashore. When I eventually got out of the boat, the beach was deserted and I really had no idea where, exactly, I was. Strange trees and animals surrounded me.

"This is not the shore I was looking for," I said while waving my hand to swat the flies away. Nobody ran away screaming in terror or came to challenge my presence. Very odd. I decided that it was a deserted island of some sort. I mostly decided this because I had always wanted my own island. Around this time, the natives appeared. Gods damnit! They greeted me with strange hand signals, wearing even stranger clothes.

They took me to their leader, at least, I assume he was the leader. He wore the biggest hat, after all. I also assumed this, because when the wind blew his hat off, the other people seemed to have lost their respect for the dude and took me to the guy with the second biggest. Well, now the biggest hat. He told me about his people, their customs, and history. I am not too sure because I was not listening. I was staring at his wife's tits. I mean the necklace she wore was quite striking. Draws your attention a mile away.

The natives then brought me food and drink, and I was satisfied. She was really good. Knew things. I ended up staying there for a few years before returning home. They were sad to see me leave. They even danced and sang and burned down the house I stayed in to purge the memory of me. When I got home, my wife was furious. I cannot remember why, because I was not listening.

And there you have it. That is how I, a Viking, ended up in South Africa.
Peace, prosperity, and promiscuity to you all!

Disclaimer: Only ants, flies and mosquitoes were harmed during the production of this.
Art by @AnikeKirsten (made under duress).