The Goodbye I’m Never Ready For

It feels like just a few days ago I made a post about Ramadan, and now I am writing my last Ramadan post because the next one will be about Eid, InshaAllah.
As I have grown up, I have started to feel that the sadness of Ramadan ending is greater than the happiness of Eid arriving. This month always passes so quickly, yet the wait for it feels so long. During Ramadan, I naturally feel a stronger connection with Allah. Everything feels more peaceful and meaningful. The beauty and spiritual atmosphere of this month is something I cannot fully express in words, even though I feel it very deeply.

I don’t know why, but in the last days of Ramadan I always end up having some health issue. This time I have tonsillitis. It’s the first time it has been this severe that even speaking has become very difficult for me. Because of it, I have fever as well. At the same time, attending online classes feels very hard because my energy feels completely drained.
Before, I used to think that maybe this happens because of fasting the entire month and becoming weak, and that is why I get sick near the end. But today I realized that it is not like that at all. It feels like it happens because the thought of Ramadan ending weighs heavily on my heart.
During this month, I always feel like I should spend it in a better way, but with studies and other responsibilities, sometimes I feel like I am not able to experience it the way I truly want to. I keep thinking that I don’t know if I will get the chance to experience Ramadan again next year, or if I will be able to live it the way I wish to.
These thoughts make me feel very empty. I don’t know if others feel the same way or relate to this feeling, but this is how Ramadan always makes me feel.
Of course, Eid brings happiness and it has its own beautiful emotions as well, which I will share in my Eid post. But for now, the end of Ramadan, especially how quickly it passes, feels heavy on my heart.