@freewill on bathroom etiquette (written in rap form for a stand-up comedy gig)

I used to do a bit of stand-up comedy. I was OK at it. I even got to the quarter final of a national competition (Golden Jester) at one point. One of my favourite things to perform was this rap I came up with:

I seen you peeking at my penis,
I saw you sneak a peek at my weiner.
All I wanna do is take a little leak man,
standing too close - now I caught you peeking

You're lurking,
Smirking at my girkin.
Why? Maybe your flirting?
Maybe your perving?
Or maybe your smirking because I wear a mirkin

What? I said pubic wigs.
What? I said Pubic Wigs.
Pardon me? I said PUBIC WIGS.
But why? Because I have genital alopecia.

You need some help with your bathroom manners,
you can't go around looking at another man's spanner.
Your bathroom etiquette
really is pathetic it.... needs some work. Because practice makes perfect.

I seen you peeking at my penis
dirty girls, I know you wanna feel this
My ex girlfriend said "freewill, I feel like somethings come between us"
I said "that's right girl, it's my penis"

I think it is highly important to note that upon saying the words "genital alopecia", I would produce a wig from my trousers and throw it in to the crowd. I would usually end my set with this, and do a mic-drop followed by gangester-walking off stage.

Now, I can tell that this is the kind of post which will be literally showered with praise, so try to hold back otherwise it will just get embarassing.

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