RE: A World Long Sundered -- Chapter 2
Thoroughly enjoyed reading this chapter in your tale. The descriptions flowed smoothly, and the characters are filled with depth and uniqueness. The central idea of the tree and it's ancient power is one I like, I think you have rendered it well, weaving your tale around it as you have here.
Whilst I don't think the chapter itself is too long, and it ends just right, with the sense of mystery and intrigue, this would make for easier reading spread over two posts, perhaps? This may just be me, so see what other feedback you get on this issue. I know you have since split the first chapter, so I won't belabour the point.
And lastly, like you say it's a first draft, so as to be expected a few spelling and grammar errors (I can point them out if you like - but they are so minor to the reading they do not detract from the enjoyment of the story). One issue I will bring to your attention. You may disagree with this point, but I noticed it as it is something I am focusing on in my own writing, and that is the use of 'said' or similar simple or plain dialogue descriptors. At one point you wrote:
“Wow! I’m surprised you found so many of them, Kyn. It’s harder to find them in midsummer.” he relinquished.
The word 'relinquished' comes across as awkward here, at least to me. Something I am learning is to never fear the word 'said' if you do need to write a dialogue description.
But anyway, those very minor points do no in anyway diminish my appreciation for the writing and the story you have presented here. Will certainly keep reading it.
Gonna have to upvote your response there! This is awesome. I wish everyone would take the time to write responses like this! Thank you! I believe you are right. I posted this chapter 2 before I got it seriously edited (except by me). My first chapter was around 6K words long, so I broke it up. I should probably do the same with this one. As for the dialogue tags, this is something I've just recently been learning to do better. I think removing "he relinquished" completely would be a much better flow. As you know, the wonderful people over at the Fiction Workshop would agree with you :P Chapter 3 is more thoroughly edited. I hope you reading! Thank you again for your help hear and also in the Fiction Workshop!
6K words is quiet an effort. That isn't a problem necessarily. I personally find such a lengthy post difficult to read on a computer. My concentration starts going. And that has nothing to do with the quality of the writing. I find that I naturally write a little different for a computer based audience. Like breaking parts up into approx 1500 word segments, so long as it keeps in flow with the story.
You do what works best for you, and you seem to be getting good help from the Workshop on that front. I think their advice is leading you in the right direction.
But back to your story - well worth reading. I am not a big reader of fantasy itself, but if the key elements are done well then I can get pulled into the story. And you did that. I am intrigued and curious about the direction, the backstory, the setting. Keep going.
Well thank you again, that means a lot to me. And you are right, 1500 i think should be about max per post. I just wrote a more personal article which I think will fit that structure better. If you have a chance, let me know what you think!
https://steemit.com/writing/@nexusfyre/dreamscapes-1-the-labyrinth-of-desire