yeah, I can tell with your writing that you're a very deep thinker.

The more you sacrifice the more wisdom and truth you will receive.

This is exactly the case. Those with skin in the game prosper while those at the sidelines of life will remain milque toast, at best. Before my radical truth period, I used to be a repressed thinker, highly neurotic, a lot like those parrots who chew on their own feathers. I had mental energy, passion, but i didn't know how to be myself.
I see some of those same traits in you, and it most likely is an age thing.

I believe if i had not become impoverished, I would not be a writer today. If I had not been pushed to the brink of wanting to snuff out my own life, it's doubtful I would be where I am.

Middle-class, mayoinnase life was never for me. I went searching, and nearly extinguished myself. That's what happened...