SEC-S30W1: Anecdotes that teach: Was that Love?

I’m not surprised when people declare they “don’t believe in marriage” or, more precisely, “the institution of marriage.” They point to the sobering reality: most unions crumble quickly, with divorce rates soaring and headlines screaming of shattered vows. I get it as too many couples limp along in misery, trapped in ruts of resentment, routine, or regret, even if they haven’t legally parted.

Society romanticizes the white dress and grand promises, yet ignores the grind of daily compromises, unspoken expectations, and the slow erosion of passion under life’s relentless pressures, the finances, kids, in-laws, careers. What was sold as “forever” often feels like a gamble with lousy odds.

Still, I wonder, does ditching the institution fix the flaws in us, or just dodge the hard work of real commitment? Maybe it’s less about marriage failing and more about our readiness to fight for.

This is the true story of my coworker Melinda which took place in 2013 when I was in Sydney. She was much younger than me but friendly as she opened her heart considering me her true friend.

I often hear couples complain that marriage turns into a dull routine, endless chores, predictable days, and fading sparks. It begs the question, "What's the real purpose of marriage"

Is it just to have children? Sure, kids can be a beautiful outcome, but they're not the foundation. You can have children without a ring on your finger these days. No, what I feel is that the heart of a lasting marriage beats with genuine love and mutual care and far more essential than biology or societal pressure.

AS a married man for decades I also feel that love isn't fireworks that fizzle but it's the quiet care that nurtures daily. Without it, marriage becomes a trap, not a haven. This truth hit me through a young friend I've known for seven years, a resilient single mom in her mid-40s with three teenage kids. Her story? Heartbreaking yet eye-opening.

Her husband betrayed her spectacularly, cheating with her own sister. He then shifted a job in an Arabian country, shacking up with another woman. So my coworker left to rebuild her future alone, but she was looking for a companionship.

Then entered a charming marketing person from India in her life, a multinational executive whom she connected with online. He flew to Sydney for three days on official trip, had dinners at cozy restaurants, movie nights, strolls through iconic spots. The sparks between them were looking like taking a shape.

One day she jokingly teased me, "You'll miss me here, I'm off to Hawaii for a grand honeymoon after we marry!" Melinda (name changed) February 3, 2013

 
I smiled, wishing her the best, I was really happy for her. She even had her wedding gown ready, visions of romance dancing in her head.

But soon a bitter reality crashed her party. After their first real date at a restaurant, the magic vanished. He was handsome, sure, charming smiles and polished talk, but hollow inside. No warmth, no romance, no care.

Next day in office she was sitting sad, "He's not my kind," she confessed. I asked her to give him another chance.

She agreed but a few more meetings confirmed it. He wasn't the partner she deserved. Her gown hanged in her wardrobe, Hawaii faded from her dreams.

Then, she's sworn off remarriage. "It's not worth my time," she says. And she's right. Marriage without real love and care? It's just a fancy trap. Her ex's infidelity shattered trust but this man's superficial charm exposed expectations. She chose herself, and her kids, over settling.

This true tale, straight from her lips, reinforces what I believe. I agree with her physical relation, giving birth to children alone doesn't justify vows of marriage. Love builds endurance besides care sustains joy. Without them, even honeymoon means nothing. If you're in a rut try to reignite that spark or walk away. Life's too short for boring routines disguised as commitment.

I often ask this to my self have you ever chased a spark that fizzled in person? Fortunately, I have couple of pictures of the lady and that man she share with me.

I visited her home town and went for a day tour with her friends in Wright Park, Mansion House, Mines View, Camp John Hay, Botanical Garden, Burnham Park, Strawberry Fields. Her friends including that guy Shiv K......She was originally from Baguio City.

Message

I believe that message of Melinda's story is marriage is not a fairy tale, but in some cases it's a gamble if there is no genuine love, daily care, and real connection.

Chasing superficial sparks leads to heartbreak so it's better to choose self-respect and kids over empty vows. True commitment endures routines and without it, so better forget it. Life's too short for traps disguised as forever.

• Note: I have changed her real name for privacy purpose

I invite @enrisanti @jyoti-thelight and @suboohi HERE for this contest by @marvinvelasquez and my special thanks to @josepha for inviting me here!