Dreams require sacrifice. Is that so bad?
I'm often told by people that my life has been handed to me on a platter. Opportunities, people, life in general just seems to land on the right note on my lap. I remember one guy tell me that my life is the way it is because these opportunities seem to float across my view and if I don't notice them they smack me in the face.
From the outside it may seem like that. If one didn't know me. And it's true. I do get a lot of opportunities that land in my lap. I consider myself quite lucky in some instances.
But it wasn't always like that. It's required quite a lot of sacrifice on my behalf. Blood, sweat and fucking tears. God the fucking tears. I can hear myself now, crying, alone in my dark bedroom with not even a friend to console me. Yeah, life was bleak back then with not much of a future in sight.
To me I enjoyed life, with the occasional hiccup on the way, and feeling down and lonely was part of the game of being single. Or so I thought at the time. There hadn't been any instance to tell me that what I was doing or the way I was living my life wasn't good for me, not that I had known anyway. Those that didn't drink, party or live a bit on the edge were boring people that were as much fun as watching paint dry. A square. A no-one with no friends.
I didn't know any of these people either, it's what my friends told me and what I thought. Who was there to tell me any different anyway, right? So in my mind life was great, working as a little receptionist, getting blasted every night. Even when I was in the psych ward for my psychosis and I was looking to relate with the nurses on boozy stories, but no-one could, because that wasn't their style. Again, up themselves professionals. What the actual fuck do they know anyway?
It wasn't until I met my wife that I was introduced to a world without limits. She's super intelligent. Way more than me. I had stopped drinking by the time I met her but I had no idea how to involve myself with other things. I knew I had to do something but stagnation had gotten the better of me. I was more in favour of sitting under a blanket watching re-runs of friends after a hard day of work. Which is fine, but mind-numbingly non-creative. I'm a creative genius at heart, this is where I thrive. Natalie spotted this.
It wasn't long before she had me knee deep in a ton of activities and hobbies that really nourished my hunger for creativity, and I had found several hobbies, out of the zillions I had given a try and chucked to the kerb.
A lovely thing transpired from there,
I went from being hopelessly switched off to tremendously tuned in with life. The thirst I had for adventure and excitement came soaring back. I started to delve outside of my comfort zone, more and more often. It was an amazing journey. Very amazing.
At one point I stopped and I thought to myself,
"I don't like the route my career is taking"
I was studying to be a teacher, it was a route I had been steered on from a charity I used to work with, and although I was really enjoying the payment boost I really didn't like the hours or the organisation I had to keep. I wasn't very good at it. And I came to the conclusion that I wanted to change career paths.
It meant I would have to live off peanuts again
It meant that I would have to start from day 1 at university
It meant that I would have to abandon at least two years effort and completely change direction
So many unknowns and the outcome might not even be worth it. I mean it seemed right to me. I was happy. I wanted to be more happy with the work that was doing.
So I did it.
For at least three years we lived off peanuts, hardly anything. Borrowing from friends, parents, family, anything to scrape by. It was tough. Some months we didn't know if we would have electricity or not. I had to give up smoking, take outs, and outside coffees, and a whole range of other niceties that we took for granted beforehand.
We ploughed through our entire savings (which was five figures) and racked up a vicious amount of debt to get by. Times were tough, my wife and I would bicker at the direction I was taking, would it still be worth it? What's going to happen to us? Will we end up on the streets?
Turns out it worked for us.
About one week before we were about to declare ourselves bankrupt I landed the job of my dreams. And from there the sky has been the limit. I worked in that job for three years until the money pot that was used to keep my employment ended, but that hasn't held me back. I've used the skills from that job to earn more money, and use my skills and experience as a self employed person to make money elsewhere.
And because I'm always on the lookout for opportunities they tend to fall in my lap. It's a mindset really. What one person might see as a scrunched up useless piece of paper on the ground and walk past it, giving it no second thought, the next person could pick it up and realise it's a winning lottery ticket. It's a mindset.
So the next time you see someone that's successful, think of the shite that they've crawled through to get where they are now. And think - can I do that? I bet you can.
Humans are surprisingly robust and adaptable if you give yourself a chance.
And on that note,
Thanks for listening,
.
Haha - thank you :)
Great post.
Thank you - It's been a tough old ride!
I think a lot of people have experienced not only tremendous pain, but also tremendous glory.
This is true :) - there is no glory without pain! :)
It's great to hear a story of how love enhanced someones life and still continues. She's lucky to have a thoughtful, introspective man (almost as lucky as you are to have found a woman of her spirit, as you've described it)
Regarding people making assumptions about how easy someone's life is: that fucking pisses me off too. People assume that about women a lot, without consideration of achievements or anything.
Thank you - I really appreciate her, and try to remind her of that daily. Even when we do bicker lol.
Oh tell me about it - most of my blog network are women within the genres I write in, Fatherhood, parenting, mental health, autism, compassion et al - yet it's got to be said that a lot of them are very vocal about that. I can't say I can emphasise because I've always looked up to women. My primary parent was my mother, most of my colleagues in every job I've ever worked in were women, my network currently comprises of mostly women. Most of my good friends, that I actually enjoy being around are women.
I think women are awesome - and it completes the circle. I like it when say perhaps I'm going over the line on something and one of my friends, who feels completely safe to do so will say, "dude, that's a bit far". I like that.
I've always thought you were a woman, I've treated you as if I were talking to a woman. Your comment has brought me back to that age old saying, "one should not assume!" lol
I feel embarrassed saying this - are you male or female? :)
I'm a woman, born biologically female and mostly identifying with such lol It's funny that you mention, as I always thought that you were talking to me knowing my gender
You saying that people assume a lot about women, brought me into thinking that you were speaking objectively - but alas, you weren't. :)
Why do you write about autism? that's an interesting condition, to me. Well, I take an interest in aberrent psychology in general.
Aspergers bears some interesting gifts for people, along with the struggle. I tend to get along well with aspies. I think us empathetic types have a skill with that. Maybe that's why I'm drawn to it, how people can't notice the emotions of others is such a foreign experience to me. I think in some ways a blessing! lol
I think I'm Aspergers, and my son has Autism. I spent a lot of my childhood wondering why so many people could communicate so easily. It was always a difficult task for me, and communication was mostly focused on me, my life, and what I was doing. I couldn't ever get how people could talk about abstract stuff, like Politics or the environment. But through my life, I'm 36 now, I've learned to cope, and study human psychology - I've watched a lot of people lol! - It didn't come easy to me, years of studying, pleasing people. Perhaps that could me my next post. :)
I'm pretty big in the Autistic circles - I've had a few viral posts on the Huff with writing about that.
I asked the doctor last year if I could get tested for it - but they said, "what good would a diagnosis do this late on in my life anyway" - sadly, I think it was a money issue rather than wanting to help me get some clarification.
Also - I've started a little unique system within myself. It's strange actually, I don't know if anyone else does it - but with body language I look at the person and think how of how I'd feel if I were standing / looking like that, and I've learned through my wife how she feels and acts - and attributed that to other women. I must say it works.
10 years ago the world was an absolute mystery for me - things that should have came easy, didn't. Now they do. I've learned how to act in the moment - it's always 'with' the person in front of me, or who I'm talking to, never against. It works wonders with business, and working together with someone to solve problems.