31SentenceContest Round 11 – Oivas’ Entry
About the Contest
This story is an entry to @tristancarax’s 31Sentence Contest.
If you fancy participating, you can find the contest here.
Prompt
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The Mystery
“What do you think?”
Cara Smith’s death put the suspicion squarely on her partner, Ravi. A rich widow would attract the most sinister plotters.
“Quite disorganized?” Miguel, the newbie detective, said about her locker.
“Hmm..Hm.”
‘Why would an uber-rich Cara need such a locker?’ Santiago thought.
“It is an open and shut case,” Miguel announced, “Ravi wanted her wealth, befriended her, found an opportunity, killed her, but got caught. Lousy murderer.”
“A bad planner,” Santiago smiled. “But Cara has a secret locker when she could have an entire wardrobe.”
Santiago’s trained eyes were on to something that Miguel missed. A new understanding of Cara emerged.
“What’s the reason for Smith’s death?”
“Cyanide poisoning and Ravi was the main suspect.”
“Correct,” Santiago tapped Miguel’s shoulder. “Have you ever come across a case where the main suspect of Mr Smith’s death would use the same modus operandi to kill his wife too?”
“Yeah, that’s odd.”
“It isn’t if the real culprit is someone other than Ravi. And that someone tried the same method to kill Ravi too.”
“I am starting to follow. Madam Cara killed Mr Smith and tried to kill Ravi. That way, both her husband and the main suspect would be gone.”
“Which means Ravi and Cara killed Mr Smith. She then wanted to shut up Ravi for good.”
“That would make her the suspect, but she would feign ignorance and make it appear that Ravi’s attempt to kill her went wrong.”
“Not bad, Miguel. Her relationship with Ravi was well-publicized. Ravi became one of the beneficiaries of her wealth and would have motive to kill her than the other way.”
“But then everything went awry.”
“The plan misfired, and Cara ended up poisoning herself instead of her partner. Ravi survived by a whisker only to fall deeper into the suspect category.”
Miguel smiled. “Wouldn’t Ravi now use the same argument to prove why he was not the one who killed Mr Smith? He can claim that Cara tried to kill him.”
“How is Ravi going to prove that Cara dated him to kill him?”
“Although, that’s the truth, isn’t it?” Miguel looked at Santiago, confused.
“He can’t establish that Cara tried to kill him without accepting that they both killed Smith. Then there is a motive.”
“Ohhh..”
“He goes to jail if he and Cara killed Smith, else, for killing Cara.”
“Catch-22 for Ravi,” Miguel was ecstatic about the case. “But boss, you figured this by looking at the locker?”
“Yes, Ms Cara’s secret locker gave away her secret. That’s the cyanide bottle right there.”
Miguel was dumbfounded. The bottle was indeed filled with cyanide, and fingerprint analysis proved that it was, definitely, Cara’s locker and her items inside.
“Good, Miguel. Success in your first case.”
“Thank you, chief. What about the locker triggered you?”
“Ms Cara was the secretive kind. I expected unusual storage somewhere and the locker was just that. It answered everything. That’s it. Now, off to the next case.”
Image Courtesy: @tristancarax and Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay
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Superb writing @oivas! This is such a well-written piece, I don't think I have a chance this round! :) Excellent plot and your story just moves along, effortlessly making the contest look like a piece of cake. Well done!
Thank you @free-reign! You are being kind. For the writer that you are, you can turn any contest head over heels.. 😊
And thanks for sharing your prize with us in the previous edition. 😊
I may be being kind, but I'm also being truthful. ;)
It is my pleasure!
Thank you, buddy! 😊
Good story, fast-paced and entertaining. I think Santiago is being very kind congratulating Miguel on his success. He spent the entire case bewildered!
Santiago was being the good boss and partner. Thank you for stopping by! 😊 😊
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STOPInteresting story! You sure have a knack for details. I have no idea how to begin writing a detective story like this, let alone fit it into the constraints of the 31 sentence story structure. Nice job!!
Thank you @owasco! Glad you liked the story.
Yes, it's a bit tough and takes time, but fun, nonetheless. You should give it a try. 😊 😊
Haha! I loved it. Yes that is where the tube of
cyanidesuper awesome hair stuff can be found.Disorganized!?!? I'll have you know that this is my actual locker and now I'm offended. That is the best that I can do. Oh, wait; fiction story. lol - I'm just messing with you about being offended.
Ms. Cara must have been a book nerd, too. Screw the clothes! There isn't room.
This reminded me of playing "Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego" from the floppy-disk era, back in the days when computer where starting to get into schools.
Fun read.
Trust me, I wanted to add a side note apologizing for the judgements that were passed on your locker. I just missed it since it was late in the night over here and I was already half groggy... So, accept my apologies here.
I don't know if you used to watch "Friends" but in one of the episodes, Ross tells Rachel about handling labour pain and she says, "No uterus, no advice"... That's the same here... I am sure if I had a locker... Ahmm.... So, no locker, no advice (or judgement).
Anyway, I enjoyed the prompt... :)
No need to apologize. Truly, I'm messing with you. I don't really care what you think of how the locker looks.
I don't watch "Friends" but "No uterus, no advice" is funny and so very true. haha.
Just being a gentleman... Hahahah... I like the concept of your contest. Never ever have I come across one of similar nature. So, thanks for that! :)
It took me a while to finally sit down and do it myself, about 8 years a while. 8-)
I'm glad I did sit down and give it a shot. The first time was tough. When I started this contest, @free-reign was one of the first writers. I asked him how he did it and he said that he guessed the sentence length and moved on, coming back later to fix the errors. I was, before doing this myself, counting out every word before moving on. This took far more time and was fairly difficult because any flow that I would gain might be gone with the next sentence.
So true. You would be hard pressed to find a contest like this one.
Yeah, the contest is about discipline. If you get on with correcting the numbers, you may lose the flow of the story. If you, however, do a free write then you may have to do heavy editing at the end of the story. So, mix and balance of both. It takes time, but it is fun.
That was an interesting story. Thanks for the good read.
!trdo 💕
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Happy to hear that 👍🏻
Thank you @wakeupkitty! Glad you enjoyed the read. 😊
You are welcome. 💕
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