Better Living: Overcoming Our Fears... But First, What ARE They?
There's an awful lot of good advice out there — coming from self-help gurus to motivational speakers — telling us that we must "move past our fears" in order to succeed in life... or at least to get to the sort of life we want.
Having been fairly deeply involved in the self-development business since the late 1980's, I can certainly agree with the underlying sentiment behind the advice.
After all, it's often fear that holds us back, and causes us to make choices that don't necessarily serve us well.
"Overcoming Our Fears???"
Where I part ways with all the gurus and experts is in the false assumption that people actually know what their fears are. You might think you know... but do you really?
Most people don't actually know what their fears are... they just know how to describe the visible symptoms of their fears. And then they go to work on dealing with those symptoms.
The problem with that is that it's a bit like going to the doctor because you get headaches, so you get some pills that get rid of the pain for a while... but it keeps coming back. Sure, you can keep popping the pills, but wouldn't it make more sense to do a little extra work to uncover why you get recurring headaches?
We are often surprised by what we learn about the depths of our psyches... and having that knowledge can be very freeing.
No Magic Pills...
Part of the challenge we often face in our modern fast-paced society is that we're so busy that we want quick fixes for everything, and we make statements that we "don't have time" to get to the bottom of what ails us.
And that also applies to getting to the bottom of the fears that might be holding us back.
Fears are generally the well-founded results of something that happened way back in our pasts. In time, we learn to gloss over those original wounds and put a less harmful face (excuse) on them.
But to truly move past the fears, we have to look at those wounds.
Sometimes It's Painful...
For example, for the longest time, I told myself and others that the reason I generally avoided any events and social gatherings (like weddings) that included dancing was that I was a badly coordinated klutz with no sense of rhythm or grace.
Sounds reasonable enough, right? Probably an excuse a lot of guys use...
The deeper truth, however, was that I did go to dance classes when I was about 10-11 years old and — being an overtall gangly geekboy — always ended up being the one none of the girls wanted to dance with, so I ended up having to dance with one of the leftover boys instead.
Dancing had nothing to do with being uncoordinated and clumsy, and everything to do with early feelings of rejection. However, I had to be willing to look past my "cover story" to realize this truth, before I could move on.
So, indeed, we must overcome our fears... but we must truly know what those fears are!
Thanks for reading, and have a great rest of your week!
How about YOU? Do you know how to overcome your fears? Do you fully understand the ROOTS of your fears? Or do you not have any fears? Do leave a comment — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!
(All text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is ORIGINAL CONTENT, created expressly for this platform — NOT A CROSSPOST!!!)
Created at 20210921 23:43 PDT
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There are so many different kinds of fear.... Some you can just leave to your own devices, I think: I don't like water much, never learned to swim well. But that doesn't affect me - I don't want to go on cruises and beach holidays are a horror to me.... I am an active person who is confident in a lot of things and not in some things. Where the line runs is rather fluid (and changes with age ;-)). And then there are destructive fears, panic: these should of course be tackled from the root and not on the surface. I estimate the chance of success casually at 50:50 - some fears have their justification here too and do not paralyse, but make one mindful and careful.
What am I actually trying to say...? Fear CAN harm and hurt and block. In that case, remedies should be sought. However, I appreciate the kind of fear that keeps you from taking off.
Es gibt so viele verschiedene Arten von Angst... Einige kann man einfach sich selbst überlassen, denke ich: ich mag Wasser nicht besonders, habe nie gut Schwimmen gelernt. Aber das beeinträchtigt mich nicht - ich will nicht auf Kreuzfahrt gehen und Strandurlaub ist mir ein Graus... Ich bin ein aktiver Mensch, der sich vieles zutraut und einiges nicht. Wo die Grenze verläuft, ist eher fließend (und verändert sich mit dem Alter ;-)) Und dann sind da destruktive Ängste, Panik: die sollten natürlich von der Wurzel angegangen werden und nicht an der Oberfläche. Die Aussicht auf Erfolg schätze ich salopp auf 50:50 - manche Ängste haben auch hier ihre Berechtigung und lähmen nicht, sondern machen achtsam und vorsichtig.
Was will ich eigentlich sagen...? Angst KANN schaden und weh tun und blockieren. Dann wäre nach Abhilfe zu suchen. Ich schätze jedoch die Art Angst, die einen vor dem Abheben bewahrt.
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Good
Overcoming Fears
that.s good.