Heart wrenching. Your love for Nickie was so sweet the way you write about her and how she made you feel. Some addicts are just pieces of shit who happen to be addicts, while others, like you, are genuine people who got caught up in the addiction.
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Dude . . . fantastic post. You took me back, that's for sure. I started writing about my own recovery on my page recently. I was addicted to substances for over 15 years.
In the US, it's the same. You can get around the rehab requirements by feigning suicide. I've stooped to that level. I could identify a lot with your story man. What I've found, is that by sharing the experience, it helps me grow. It's also strangely therapeutic.
Through all the stuff we've been through, we learned (I hope you don't mind me saying "we" here) that our experiences make us "uniquely useful to the addict that is still suffering"
Resteemed, and looking forward to your future blog posts. This is really some great writing imo, and one of my favorite posts so far on the platform. Keep being honest, and you'll continue to go far man. Much love from one person in recovery to another. :)
I nearly shed a tear. And if you know me, you will know, that never happens!!
I'm glad you're in Thailand now, it helps to remove your self from the situation. Do you think you could ever live in Canada again? Or will you stay abroad?
i have learnt that you cannot love some one fully, unless you love yourself fully, mastering that is a toughy
And regarding avoiding things - i find that it can only make you stronger to deal with a place/situation/person, and move on. You can't avoid things/places/people forever.
You should of course, take time to evaluate/deal etc and not go any where near these people/places things before you are ready :)
Drugs, alcohol, either way man look where they took us both - down paths of destructiveness, homelessness, loss, physical, emotional, and mental damage and suffering, and years of beating it into our own skulls that we deserved what we were doing to ourselves.
Glad you and I Have both escaped that lifestyle my friend We no longer have to life like that.
Your story is very touching, I can feel you going through this great transformation.
Experiencing real love, opening the body and mind to it is a great gift. It is a beginning of relating to life and others in a deeper and more fulfilling way. May your love and understanding grow ever more and more!
I wish you can really find it again and live a life based on this kind of deep love.
I'm sure if you carry this kind of love, openness and passion in your heart, if you carry it inwardly then it will also manifest outwardly.
This is also my hope... In my case I feel some very deep opening and the dawn of a different outlook towards others and life. I feel I didn't really or fully live before.
What I think is, if we really have the courage to open up towards others and communicate honestly our feelings then we will always be connected to our inherent goodness. And others can feel our genuine and warm energy as well. And this energy is very fulfilling and attractive.
Wow, amazing and honest answer.
And many things come to my mind.
You are speaking about the principle of trying to re-experience positive experiences of the past and never quite getting there, in the case of getting high and also with women. If this is true, then we're fucked!
Then we will never be able to achieve any lasting satisfaction in life, no matter what we do. Everything is continuously declining and we can't do anything about it.
I agree, this is how things usually are, people are always chasing something but getting frustrated in the end.
But I think there is another way how things CAN be. It depends on us.
In order to step out of the circle of dissatisfaction, some deep change in ourselves needs to happen. I believe happiness and bliss lie in ourselves, a happiness free from decay.
No stimulation needed, no drugs, even no woman (although this is hard to imagine).
Have you ever heard about a dark retreat? People go into complete darkness and stay there without any light and stimulation for many days and many people go through a deep process of healing. After about 24 hours different chemicals in the body begin to be released and visions begin to appear. No side effects or hangover! Please read the following article, just a few days old:
This dark retreat has its own dangers, people need to be very stable. But I believe in some cases it can bring about a real breakthrough.
All this is based on the idea that in our subtle body, channels are present and many kinds of energies are flowing. If somebody is neurotic, the channels and energies will reflect this and appear disturbed. If the channels and energies are flowing well, happiness will manifest, even bliss.
It is about accessing our subtle body more and more, opening it up by letting go of old stuck patterns.
The basic consensus in our time and society is quite neurotic. Our "normal" is not normal at all, it is just the disturbed way people usually are.
You said you have no real interest to go back to normal again. No need!
There is an amazing potential in ourselves, in our bodies, mind and speech. It just needs to be discovered.
Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by fatpanda from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, and someguy123. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows and creating a social network. Please find us in the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.
If you like what we're doing please upvote this comment so we can continue to build the community account that's supporting all members.
patient @fatpandadesign. We wish you no longer fall into the black world, and really no longer do drugs. It's been a lot of that in the rengut from you by drugs.
Patience is key, you're absolutely right. No worries - I'm not rushing anything in life anymore. I take it as it comes. I may work a lot, but I don't over exert and force things anymore - I just let them come naturally :)
Heart wrenching. Your love for Nickie was so sweet the way you write about her and how she made you feel. Some addicts are just pieces of shit who happen to be addicts, while others, like you, are genuine people who got caught up in the addiction.
Meep
Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by fatpanda from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, and someguy123. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows and creating a social network. Please find us in the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.
If you like what we're doing please upvote this comment so we can continue to build the community account that's supporting all members.
Dude . . . fantastic post. You took me back, that's for sure. I started writing about my own recovery on my page recently. I was addicted to substances for over 15 years.
In the US, it's the same. You can get around the rehab requirements by feigning suicide. I've stooped to that level. I could identify a lot with your story man. What I've found, is that by sharing the experience, it helps me grow. It's also strangely therapeutic.
Through all the stuff we've been through, we learned (I hope you don't mind me saying "we" here) that our experiences make us "uniquely useful to the addict that is still suffering"
Resteemed, and looking forward to your future blog posts. This is really some great writing imo, and one of my favorite posts so far on the platform. Keep being honest, and you'll continue to go far man. Much love from one person in recovery to another. :)
Here's my first entry in the series . . but you've inspired me to go back a little bit further and flesh out the story.
https://steemit.com/blog/@shawnfishbit/my-final-walk-of-shame-the-hope-and-the-epiphany
This is quite the story, my friend. The greatest takeaway from this is when you reach your lowest point, you can still be able to bounce back.
But not without making sacrifices and suffering from the pain of making said sacrifices. I think I got this right.
And so, a new chapter begins. Kicking ass in Thailand, making an impact on Steemit...who knows what's going to happen next?
Well done, my guy! Well written :)
I nearly shed a tear. And if you know me, you will know, that never happens!!
I'm glad you're in Thailand now, it helps to remove your self from the situation. Do you think you could ever live in Canada again? Or will you stay abroad?
Okay
i have learnt that you cannot love some one fully, unless you love yourself fully, mastering that is a toughy
And regarding avoiding things - i find that it can only make you stronger to deal with a place/situation/person, and move on. You can't avoid things/places/people forever.
You should of course, take time to evaluate/deal etc and not go any where near these people/places things before you are ready :)
I spent the better part of 10 years homeless and became a heavy heavy drinker in the process among other things.....thanfully I staid away from drugs!
Drugs, alcohol, either way man look where they took us both - down paths of destructiveness, homelessness, loss, physical, emotional, and mental damage and suffering, and years of beating it into our own skulls that we deserved what we were doing to ourselves.
Glad you and I Have both escaped that lifestyle my friend We no longer have to life like that.
Your story is very touching, I can feel you going through this great transformation.
Experiencing real love, opening the body and mind to it is a great gift. It is a beginning of relating to life and others in a deeper and more fulfilling way. May your love and understanding grow ever more and more!
:)
I wish you can really find it again and live a life based on this kind of deep love.
I'm sure if you carry this kind of love, openness and passion in your heart, if you carry it inwardly then it will also manifest outwardly.
This is also my hope... In my case I feel some very deep opening and the dawn of a different outlook towards others and life. I feel I didn't really or fully live before.
What I think is, if we really have the courage to open up towards others and communicate honestly our feelings then we will always be connected to our inherent goodness. And others can feel our genuine and warm energy as well. And this energy is very fulfilling and attractive.
Yeap
Wow, amazing and honest answer.
And many things come to my mind.
You are speaking about the principle of trying to re-experience positive experiences of the past and never quite getting there, in the case of getting high and also with women. If this is true, then we're fucked!
Then we will never be able to achieve any lasting satisfaction in life, no matter what we do. Everything is continuously declining and we can't do anything about it.
I agree, this is how things usually are, people are always chasing something but getting frustrated in the end.
But I think there is another way how things CAN be. It depends on us.
In order to step out of the circle of dissatisfaction, some deep change in ourselves needs to happen. I believe happiness and bliss lie in ourselves, a happiness free from decay.
No stimulation needed, no drugs, even no woman (although this is hard to imagine).
Have you ever heard about a dark retreat? People go into complete darkness and stay there without any light and stimulation for many days and many people go through a deep process of healing. After about 24 hours different chemicals in the body begin to be released and visions begin to appear. No side effects or hangover! Please read the following article, just a few days old:
https://steemit.com/health/@cherie/darkness-retreat-vedics-most-powerful-meditation
This dark retreat has its own dangers, people need to be very stable. But I believe in some cases it can bring about a real breakthrough.
All this is based on the idea that in our subtle body, channels are present and many kinds of energies are flowing. If somebody is neurotic, the channels and energies will reflect this and appear disturbed. If the channels and energies are flowing well, happiness will manifest, even bliss.
It is about accessing our subtle body more and more, opening it up by letting go of old stuck patterns.
The basic consensus in our time and society is quite neurotic. Our "normal" is not normal at all, it is just the disturbed way people usually are.
You said you have no real interest to go back to normal again. No need!
There is an amazing potential in ourselves, in our bodies, mind and speech. It just needs to be discovered.
All the best of life to you...great story and if you see her again let us know..
Who knows ;)
Congratulations, I can't even make a joke or a smart ass remark.
You've disarmed all of my coping mechanisms and I can only say that I wish you peace my friend.
Here we go :)
A singular feat, nobody else has been able to.
I'm ready for ya!
Yes.
I can only imagine what it's like to put that out for people to read. It makes my trivial little shit pale by comparison.
At least make it epic.
$hug @fatpandadesign
$heal theblindsquirlthatwasblindnomore!
For some reason, your replies from 6 days ago just hit my feed.
Did you send them FedEx?
Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by fatpanda from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, and someguy123. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows and creating a social network. Please find us in the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.
If you like what we're doing please upvote this comment so we can continue to build the community account that's supporting all members.
patient @fatpandadesign. We wish you no longer fall into the black world, and really no longer do drugs. It's been a lot of that in the rengut from you by drugs.
Patience is key, you're absolutely right. No worries - I'm not rushing anything in life anymore. I take it as it comes. I may work a lot, but I don't over exert and force things anymore - I just let them come naturally :)
Yups,,spirit mr. @Fatpandadesign
😊👌
Be safe out there, I see you're in Vancity!!
Okay, thank you mr. @farpandadesign