This is an awesome post. I am also trying to become much more mindful of my speech and thought patterns, but i think i am way further behind than you are. I literally about 10 minutes ago left a comment on another persons blog, and a minute or so after realised that something i wrote was really judgemental and unfair (not towards the person, but the people involved in the topic) so i went back to edit it, but instead of just editing the comment i added onto the bottom that i came back to edit this post and explained why. To hopefully encourage others to be a bit more mindful of their use of language too.
I want to go off and read several of your links but it is way past my bed time, but ill definitely be back to check them out, and will now be trying to stop myself with the "yes, but" , i do this a lot my self.
Thanks for dropping in, and I'm so glad this post resonated with you :-)
I would say that your level of awareness, and the way you reacted to what you felt was a "wrong" action is about where I'm at most of the time. I try to keep my content in that sweet spot where I am being honest about where I am right now, while also visualizing my aspirational self and focusing on the way that I am making efforts to be.
Looking forward to any feedback you may have on my other content :-) Sleep well family, I'm following you now!
I've talked to my wife about this too, the "but", just last week, and it's definitely a huge problem for almost everyone and another issue this hinges on is ones esteem and self worth because we should be able to take criticism and evaluate it so that when we're meet with partial agreement we don't end up playing tennis trying to win and making the other lose in a defensive stance trying to protect our own self worth, as criticism can be valuable if it's true and correct and it can point and push us to improve our characters, yet all of this is happening in a realm of emotion which lends itself to irrationality and thus makes everything into a fight instead of a synthesis, so the first step is in evaluating our emotional state and taking the role of master over them (our own feelings and emotions) which in turn comes with responsibility especially in intimacy.
@kennyskitchen you took me 12 years back to my first corporate learning. No "buts" it was in one of e- mail writing session taught in MNC to desl with cluent query. We were taught never to use BUT in your email . I curiously asked why....the trainer said. " But " always create a doubt in readers or listenrs mind. Instead you can use " however " which will make your sentence more affirmative. Though these are very minute things but hold very important position while dealing with clients.....so no " Buts" in my sentence...except in case inhave certain amount of doubt
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I agree with that idea that a lot of the time we say "yes, but" as we have already thought of what we want to say. And this lacks empathy and true active listening. However, conjunctions are needed when we want to create a rebuttal. So maybe instead of saying "yes, but" we say "yes, I see where your coming from (comment on what was being said), however, have you thought about...?" This way it is a little more polite. That's just my two cents though.
I absolutely agree. If I'm going to make a counterpoint/rebuttal, I find it quite valuable to preface it by acknowledging the other person's point, potentially by repeating it or at least stating how I understood what they said, and stating where I do agree, and then moving into where disagreement exists.
This is an awesome post. I am also trying to become much more mindful of my speech and thought patterns, but i think i am way further behind than you are. I literally about 10 minutes ago left a comment on another persons blog, and a minute or so after realised that something i wrote was really judgemental and unfair (not towards the person, but the people involved in the topic) so i went back to edit it, but instead of just editing the comment i added onto the bottom that i came back to edit this post and explained why. To hopefully encourage others to be a bit more mindful of their use of language too.
I want to go off and read several of your links but it is way past my bed time, but ill definitely be back to check them out, and will now be trying to stop myself with the "yes, but" , i do this a lot my self.
Thanks for dropping in, and I'm so glad this post resonated with you :-)
I would say that your level of awareness, and the way you reacted to what you felt was a "wrong" action is about where I'm at most of the time. I try to keep my content in that sweet spot where I am being honest about where I am right now, while also visualizing my aspirational self and focusing on the way that I am making efforts to be.
Looking forward to any feedback you may have on my other content :-) Sleep well family, I'm following you now!
Aww what a lovely comment :)
Yes we will definitely chat again!
You've made a really good point. I'm going to watch my speech and others' around me, and play around with this idea a little.
I've talked to my wife about this too, the "but", just last week, and it's definitely a huge problem for almost everyone and another issue this hinges on is ones esteem and self worth because we should be able to take criticism and evaluate it so that when we're meet with partial agreement we don't end up playing tennis trying to win and making the other lose in a defensive stance trying to protect our own self worth, as criticism can be valuable if it's true and correct and it can point and push us to improve our characters, yet all of this is happening in a realm of emotion which lends itself to irrationality and thus makes everything into a fight instead of a synthesis, so the first step is in evaluating our emotional state and taking the role of master over them (our own feelings and emotions) which in turn comes with responsibility especially in intimacy.
@kennyskitchen you took me 12 years back to my first corporate learning. No "buts" it was in one of e- mail writing session taught in MNC to desl with cluent query. We were taught never to use BUT in your email . I curiously asked why....the trainer said. " But " always create a doubt in readers or listenrs mind. Instead you can use " however " which will make your sentence more affirmative. Though these are very minute things but hold very important position while dealing with clients.....so no " Buts" in my sentence...except in case inhave certain amount of doubt
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I agree with that idea that a lot of the time we say "yes, but" as we have already thought of what we want to say. And this lacks empathy and true active listening. However, conjunctions are needed when we want to create a rebuttal. So maybe instead of saying "yes, but" we say "yes, I see where your coming from (comment on what was being said), however, have you thought about...?" This way it is a little more polite. That's just my two cents though.
I absolutely agree. If I'm going to make a counterpoint/rebuttal, I find it quite valuable to preface it by acknowledging the other person's point, potentially by repeating it or at least stating how I understood what they said, and stating where I do agree, and then moving into where disagreement exists.