A.I.

We bought Alexa recently. My daughter, of course, loves her. Or it. Or whatever Alexa is. In this politically correct world, I feel I have to be gender-neutral, lest I be accused of being a misogynist or gender biased somehow, so I'll just refer to Alexa as "A.I." She comes home from school and immediately instructs A.I., "Alexa, call Mom."

She uses A.I. for everything. She has set an alarm to go off in the morning to wake her up for school. I have a rule that she must wash her hands and feet when she enters the house, so she set a reminder to go off at 3:00 p.m. when she comes home from school to remind her.

A.I., with a smooth voice says, "Reminder to wash your feet." My daughter promptly does what A.I. reminds her to do.

Sometimes I hear singing and I hear my daughter laughing. It turns out, A.I. knows how to beatbox.

A.I. tells jokes and the weather. A.I. can even tune to your favorite radio station. Somehow, A.I. can also order you an Uber car.

But despite all this, I still do not like A.I. I heard my daughter asking A.I. when the next holiday was, and I heard, "The next holiday is in July. 4th of July."

I immediately screamed, "That is wrong! The next holiday is in February! President's Day!"

My daughter promptly rolled her eyes and said, "You have to address her as Alexa first."

So I repeated myself. "Alexa, the next holiday is in February. President's Day."

A.I. confirmed what I said!

So my daughter repeats the question, "Alexa, when is the next holiday?"

Would you believe, A.I. then answers, "The next holiday is in February. February 19. President's Day."

That A.I. is smart. I do give it that. What a fast learner.

I suppose what I feel for A.I. is jealousy. I am jealous that my daughter listens to A.I. and dresses climate appropriate according to the weather report she is given by A.I. For all my years of nagging, I could barely get her to zipper up her coat when the weather was cold. And my rule about washing her hands and feet upon entry in the house? Forget it. I always had to remind her. But when A.I. tells her, she jumps right into the bathroom.

Ahhh... How I miss the old telephone.

My daughter saw this telephone recently and she could barely grasp the idea of how it operated.

I am not sure why, but I feel sorry for her, and for all the young people of this generation. I feel as though modern technology has stunted their mental growth and turned them all into wimpy, impatient, and easily bored creatures.

As I write this, I think of taking Alexa and driving it/her far, far away, and burying it/her underground. I am sure my daughter will mourn her loss.

I will call it the murder of the artificial intelligence.