You Are My Hero...

Death does not solve the problem. Even after death the problem persists in you. There is nothing eternal in this world or in any other world, because the eternal is the problem itself.

As darkness sowed anxiety on the barren surface of the heart, I felt the silence slowly settle to take away any laughter that had just broken out earlier in the day. I saw my husband lying without a blind eye, his eyelids unwilling to wrap the eyeballs that began to lose its light. Eyes that every day gazed wistfully at the photos that are displayed on the wall of our bedroom. It was a picture of our only child who had passed away to the Creator a few years ago.

His departure not only brought his soul and body but half my soul and the soul of my husband were carried by him. Since then we have forgotten how it feels to laugh because it really celebrates the fun. All the laughter that broke out when family gathering was only a cover to cover the deepest sadness.



Once I woke up in the middle of the night. Dreams that keep me awake. I dream, I walk in a lonely street. There was no one I met in the street. Not until the end of the road. Only the rustling of the wind blew and the faint sound of the leaves that jostled in the wind. It seems my life has been cursed silently. Then at the end of the path under a tree lay a long chair. I saw an old man sitting, stroking his graying beard. He looked at me and called.

"O poor woman, stop by for a moment," the old man said as he cleaned the seat next to him.

I assented to the old man's request and sat down beside him. Without a word the old man spoke.
"I am the key gate holder of death. Every day I always come a soul that is hopeless. People who do not take God's gift. People who are begging for death are too stupid to assume. They think that death is the only way out to end the burden of life, when it really is not. But I'm happy, because then my age will grow and think ... think I can also help get rid of their grief. "

"Old man. I do not understand what you say. But if you mean I'm a desperate person, then you're right. The spirit of my life has been taken away by bad luck a few years ago. My only son was approached with death in a pathetic way. My heart is broken. I feel God is unjust "I said.
The old man smiled happily. Her wrinkled cheeks expanded.

"Then, now what can I do for you?" Asked the old man.
"If you can, I want you to call the angel of death, so that this life can be separated from my fragile body".
Then the old man said "wait for my partner at midnight in your house. He will happily separate your life from your body. So you can feel free from suffering. "

At midnight, still in my dream, I bravely waited for the angel of death to come. I feel this life impatient freed from the body. I wonder what it feels like to die, because in this world there is no more reason for me to live. But it was almost past midnight, the death had never come. "Why does not my wish ever happen? even my wish to die did not come true "I said in silence.

The next night, still in my dream, I returned to wait for the death toll until midnight. But the result is nil, the lifting of that life did not come. God does not seem to think I'm there. I am a wasted soul and body.

Then another night, still in my dream, I prepare to die. This time I did not expect a life-threatening to come to end my own life by hanging the body on the rope I have prepared. My intention is unanimous. I want to die. Is not it a man who ended his own life? I read on social media recently so many young people who took their own life before death took it away. I think I can do the same.

I put my head close to the rope I had prepared, then put my head into the circle of rope I made. As I was about to take my footstool over the plastic chair I used as a ladder to get to the hanging rope, a man's voice from behind me stopped my intentions. I turned, she shed tears.

"Mommy, what do you do? Please do not end your life. "Said my husband.
"I want to die. I do not want to live anymore. Life is very torturing me. Is not the papi also feel the same? Did not the departure of our son make the papi feel dead? Or papi does not care about his death? "I said.
"Mami, death does not solve the problem. Even after death the problem persists in you. There is nothing eternal in this world or in any other world, because the eternal is the problem itself, and in my mood after the departure of our son, my heart is also destroyed just as mami feel. So please come here, hug me and stop mommy intent to commit suicide. I love you mi. "

I cry. The dew in my eyes trickled down my flat, which began to shrink with age. Then I got out of the chair, found my husband standing up crying. Hugged his exhausted body. His body was no longer warm. But his love for me can still be felt from his heartbeat that I heard. In his eyeballs that began to lose their light I saw my reason for living.

I tighten a hug. I can not even tears my eyes. I kept crying and crying all the time. Crying and crying. In between tears, I heard the faint sound of someone calling me gently. "Mom. Mommy .. wake up mi .. Why mami crying? "I was confused and asked silently" is this a dream? No. This is not a dream. This is the reality "I kept tightening my arms around my husband's body. But the faint sound became clearer, and finally my eyes slowly opened. Then I wake up from my sleep.



"Mami is awake? Last mama cried and continued to embrace the papi. Mami must be dreaming, "my husband said as he hugged me.
"Yes pi. But tomorrow you can just tell me to papi. "
Papi took off his embrace. Then his eyes stared blankly over the sky bed with a smile. He seemed to be thinking of something happy.

"Mi. Actually the papi had a dream to meet with our son. "Said my husband
Hearing that I became impatient.
"Then, in that dream papi see our son where?" I asked.
"The story is like this, in the dream papi, papi is walking in a beautiful garden. Different types of flowers thrive in it. The people in the park all wear white clothes and they are all friendly. Every time they meet with their papi they will smile. There is coolness flowing in that place. Never seen a place in real life. Then in the middle of the park there is a crowd of people are telling stories. Papi continued to watch them from afar. Suddenly one of them stood up and waved at the papi. Papi could not recognize his face because of his all-white outfit after being exposed to the dusk sun that made his eyes pale. The young man then ran toward the papi. How papi surprised, when the young man arrived in front of the eyes of papi, papi see our son's body. It turns out that boy is our son. She smiled happily. He then hugged the papi. Hug very tightly. Many things change from our son. He is now getting taller, the more mature he said. He counseled the papi a lot. "

I can not say anything anymore. My mouth was locked, but tears kept flowing through my eyelids. The dream from my husband made me feel good.

"Then, what happened after that pi?" I asked curiously.
"As we were busy talking suddenly the bell of a fancy building located west of the building rang. Our son then says that he has to leave. Before leaving he said this' papa please tell mama do not continue to cry for me. Let it go. I am here already happy with other children of God. My soul also lives in my body from my cousins. So say mama do not grieve, and now papa have to go home quickly, now mama is in need of help papa 'When our son had said that, suddenly papi woke up from the dream and found mama was crying in a state of sleep and hugging the body papi " close my husband.

"Thanks pi, for having awakened mami from a nightmare." I say while kissing my husband's forehead. "Now go to bed, mommy also wants to sleep!" I continued.

My eyes quickly closed. The trigger might be because hearing the happy dream story from my husband.

On the morning of peace, the sun dashed off the morning chill. Singing bird song accompanied me to greet the beautiful morning. I saw that my husband was still asleep in his sleep. I did not wake him up, I let him enjoy his rest because I've seldom seen him sleep so long. Then I hurried to the dining room. In the room sat some young men. The boys are the children of my husband's brother. Yes they are my nephews. They looked at me and greeted with a smile. Remembering my son's message in my husband's dreams made me find them as soon as possible to hug me as soon as possible. I embrace them simultaneously. "You are all my children" I whispered in their ears.

My nephews can not replace my son who has returned to the Creator. But their presence in my little family made me and my husband quite comforted. As silence tries to grasp the happiness of us there are always those who dismiss it. I'm happy to have them. Though sometimes on the sidelines when I was about to close my eyes, the image of the memories with my son seemed to be reworked and I was sometimes sad. But that is the memory sometimes twisted by itself in our memories. Anyway, is not there memory to remember ?.