Last word

Fuck… it’s tearing me apart. She’s gone. My girl… my best friend… gone. I watched her suffer, choke, fall out cold… and I couldn’t fix shit. I tried. God, I tried. And nothing worked.
This morning I held her one last time. She didn’t care. Didn’t even notice. But I needed it. I needed to squeeze her, to feel her, to tell her I love her one last fucking time.
And the guilt… fuck. It’s like a knife twisting in my chest. I keep saying sorry, keep crying, keep thinking maybe I made a mistake… but I know I didn’t. I had to stop her pain. I had to let her go. Even if it breaks me.
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Harder than cancer, harder than anything I’ve ever faced. My chest, my soul, my whole body… it aches. Every fucking inch of me hurts. But she’s free now. Free from the coughing, the pacing, the confusion. I hope she felt my love until the very last second.
God, I miss her. I miss her so damn much.