Sublimation. I do that too. I've done that a lot. It helps.

Are you familiar with @jakeybrown? He writes about a lot of what you've discussed here. He's very conversational and seems to have a lot of insight to share. I believe he's on Discord too, if you'd want to connect with someone who gets these things.

For some of us it's a lifelong struggle. You have to try and do everything you can to be well, as well as you can be, and hang on for the ride. It'll be over soon enough, and that's not morbid, that's just truth.