Almost a Lifetime in Art

“Every artist was first an amateur”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was born in a family of creatives. My mother was a teacher, and she constantly found ways to fill her students' lives with color. My father worked in the service industry, but he also was very fond of drawing. He didn't show his works to many people, though. He worked 'under the radar' and drew for his personal entertainment. Growing up, I think I only saw one of his drawings. It was a drawing of the robot Voltes V, in great detail.

I started drawing when I was very young. It was a hobby, something that would fill my time and amuse me. I no longer have drawings nor pictures of drawings when I was younger, unfortunately. Our house didn’t have much space for it, and we often moved from one place to another. But this doesn't mean my family didn't appreciate my art- it's just that, because moving meant constant packing- paper scribbles were not a priority.

My cousins and I used to have 'drawing contests' when we were younger. Our 'judges' were our aunts and uncles, who would gleefully hand us candy (whether we'd win or not). I remember drawing (what I know describe as) crude copies of Sailor Moon which I remember watching every afternoon. The sailor soldiers had beautiful costumes and colorful hair- they were impossible to miss. By the end of gradeschool, art already has become a driving force in my life. By then I have won art contests, joined the art club, and developed a great love for art, thanks to great teachers and supportive family and friends.

Highschool brought about different winds and waves in my art journey. It was in highschool that I was challenged greatly. It made me question my skills, because, pitting against fellow highschool artists, I was a mere amateur. I lagged behind in terms of anatomy and my coloring was sloppy. Most of my works were in pen and pencil.

An artwork done in highschool, around 2008.

The way I worked was greatly influenced by what was very popular at the time: the Emo subculture.
I traded colorful Sailor Moon-kind illustrations to somber, dark, and simple artworks and lineworks.

I still attended contests and the like- and won some of them. I was proud to be called the 'Class Artist'. But inside me, I knew I wasn't that good- that people will and would always be better than me.

When I graduated from highschool and when I entered college, I started exploring different materials and art styles. I tried doodling, and then mixed media. I made conceptual works, tried murals.

Doodle-style illustrations were a thing for me in college.

My works focused on women, not just because I am one, but also because women's personalities and roles are dynamic and ever-changing. I played around with their looks, I loved working with hair and the colors were bright and festive, just like my college years.

I also drew inspiration from books and literary characters. This one is a gender-bent Mad Hatter

I found inspiration from fashion icons, films, and even from different artists.
Slowly, I was accepting that artists are different - they have different styles and preferences. This eventually led me to my current mindset: that I should not compare myself to other artists, but keep on working on my skills instead.

I began discovering other media, such as charcoal. This was done circa 2010.

Slowly, my art began to reflect my personality, reaction and minsdet more and more. But then, very suddenly, I lost everything.

Back in 2011, our home was hit by the Tropical Typhoon Sendong, one of the strongest typhoons to hit Mindanao, and I lost everything. I lost my home, all of my drawing materials and artworks, and at some point- I've lost my will to create. I was extremely depressed and I stopped working for months. I focused my time and energy on relief efforts. When I began drawing again, most of my works were disturbing and distorted.

One of my drawings around 2011, after Sendong hit. My mind was in turmoil, I felt the monsters in my head knock, begging to come out.

But, slowly, with the help of art and good company, I picked up where I left off and started creating art again.

One of the murals I've made throughout the years. This one reflected the mess in my head, and the healing. It has the text 'The monsters we fear are inside us', which meant that what we fear, and who we fear, are all inside our heads and that we can conquer them.

I began accepting myself, my weaknesses. I began embracing my creative side some more. Art became a constant exploration.

Mixed media work, charcoal and watercolor, circa 2012.

My art reflects my divisiveness, my battles. It shows my philosophies and fears.

We are all the same inside. We are skin and bones. Human beings.

My styles change throughout the years, and they still do. They evolve, as I do.

Started making art noveau-ish works. Usually in cool colors. Artwork circa 2013.

I started joining exhibits, and created more art. I practiced with watercolor and inks.

I also tried putting together different materials. For instance, acrylic and glue, metal tints and black. I loved including different animals in my work.

The work is entitled 'Triptych'.

I am who I am because of my art. It is a reflection of my passion, wants and fears. My art is a testament to the changes in my life, and it has caused many ripples, too. I have met significant people who have changed me so much and made me a better person. We all start somewhere. I started with tiny doodles on the walls, with lazy afternoons- crayons in hand. I can still accomplish so much with my art, and I'm constantly trying to find ways to make myself better.

Art is who I am, art is who I wish to become.