RE: Hey Darwin! What's So Funny?
Humor's an interesting phenomenon. Here's my hypothesis: All relationships require a combination of a little bit of "Opposites Attract" and a lot of "Birds of a Feather." Like a highly overlapping Venn Diagram.
The "Opposites Attract" part makes a relationship interesting and adds two "polarized strengths" to the "collective unity" of two individuals. Which is, generally, good for both parties. This is, of course, most noticeable in the differences between males and females.
Gender aside, perhaps one party is an innovator and the other an executioner. A dreamer and a pragmatist. A gambler and a non-risk-taker. This the "style of engagement."
The "Birds of a Feather" part is based upon a "commonality of interest." If two people are not generally headed in the same direction, they're not going to find much useful about one another. This is the "substance of the engagement."
It's a delicate balance though.
The "Opposites Attract" part, while replete with possibilities, is also replete with unlit fuses ... dynamite and fireworks are made of the same stuff. So, there needs to be a mechanism to constantly discharge the frictions.
Humor.
Anthropologists speculate that smiling actually derived from the mammalian instinct to bare their teeth when threatened. Great comedians know that the best humor has to touch on something sensitive. It's the way you do it that makes it funny ... or offensive. A fine line.
Yet touching upon those sensitivities, in a non-threatening manner, is also a great source of bonding, a pretext in constructing "mutual trust:" "You were vulnerable to me ... but see, I didn't hurt you, did I?" You both bare your teeth ... but laugh.
When a guy likes a girl, he teases her. When guys like each other, they "trash talk" each other. Theoretically "threatening behavior," but executed in such an over-the-top, hyperbolized way that no one could possibly believe it was real.
The motivation is clearly to gain additional attention. But that is actually a compliment ... it's flattering to know that someone thinks enough of you to want to be the center of your attention.
Quill
Yes this is the new info I received after writing this article originally. I like the theory and think it has legs.
I totally agree with the opposites attract and have in fact just written an article that kind of covers this. However with humour I think it helps to have, if not an identical, but very similar humour to your partner of choice.
For instance I once went out with a girl and we watched a really crappy Kevin Spacey movie. At the end the child actor in it performs one of the hammiest death scenes I've ever seen in my life.
I was sitting on the floor at the feet of my partner, I looked up to share the joke and laugh about this guy's terrible acting, and a tear was rolling down her cheek.
She found the whole scene really moving and I just remember thinking to myself; this isn't going to work.
... it didn't
:-)
Cg