Boy have I had a day

WARNING: this is a blog post. a post regarding my life, emotions and daily ins and outs.

So here we are in the middle of the second week of July. I've been getting really good at not being lazy for full days, and instead sticking to a short list of 'must do' items. It's even been so great that I end up just moving onto the 'if there's time and energy' list most days.

That means I've been tackling the yard mess bit by bit, in order to not just be bogged down by the emotion and stress of the Barracuda project.

It also means that I am making sure to take the time to get into that engine and get this thing done!

And I was feeling good!! Great, even, about the fact that I was just gonna go for it and take that engine apart, with no real knowledge about what I'd see. No idea what it should look like much less what it WOULD look like.
Yes, I did expect to find a little mouse family, though I don't know what kind of wacko mouse would make it's home in an oily old car engine.

I think I'd have preferred the mice...

It is so rusty!! My hope was to not have to take the engine out at all. A friend even said 'why would you?'...
Well, this is why.

Based on what I saw when I took the valve covers off last year, I had a suspicion that it was not gonna look great.

But I still hoped for the best.

This all prompted me to seek advice from local friends and my virtual car friends, via facebook.

The majority of the folks are saying 'replace with a 318 which you can find for a few hundred bucks'.
Seems like a fair option, though it does mean more money and figuring out how to pull the engine out, while it's tucked into the carport.

A handful of people say it's not worth trying to clean it while it's in the car (too risky as far as rust particles falling and going further into the engine and causing way more problems down the road), and that I should just 'do it right' and pull the engine and clean it.

I think 2 people said 'go ahead and drop the oil pan, plug up all the holes real good and clean it up...worst case it won't work and you'll still have to go with one of the other options, but it could work!'

Today I couldn't bring myself to do car work. I cleaned up around the car and pulled some weeds around the fence, but I just feel too deflated to be productive.

I'll do some more research and reach out to my local friend to come take a look some time.

I wanted to be finished. I wanted to be able to say 'hey! I did it!'
I didn't even care if, in the end, I couldn't get it running. I just wanted to say I did my best.
This one moment caused me to nearly admit defeat. In fact, I pretty much did until all these people pulled me back in and reminded me that it's a cool thing.
It has gone beyond paying tribute to my father. It has gone beyond getting to the point of saying I brought a classic back to life.
I could throw in the towel, place an ad and get rid of the thing, either as a project for someone else or in parts.
But how will that make me happy? How could I have this car for SEVEN YEARS just to give up when I got to the heart of the thing? All the other stuff I did truly means nothing in the grand scheme of this project. I can't run away from the engine! That's the whole point!
I am a person who will start a lot of things...I will never really get very good at most of those things, but the point for me is to keep going until I've reached MY desired outcome, if at all possible.

It's obvious this is not the year I finish the car and get it on the road. I did say I'd be done with it one way or another after this year, but I just can't let it go. This one I feel like I need to see to the last possible moment.
Leaky windows, bad body, rusty engine and all.