Crossroads of the Heart: Who is @d-pend, Really?
Crossroads of the Heart:
Who is @d-pend, Really?
Introduction
Hey everybody. I hope this post finds you well (or even excellent!) This is probably going to be a long post, so feel free to click away now and find some juicy memes or something else more entertaining. Or, if you're one of my thousands of followers either inactive or who ghosted me, don't click on this post at all! (oh...too late, eh?)
But, if we've made any kind of connection here, take a couple minutes to scan this post. I'm going to reveal some things I haven't shared on Steemit before, because there's no time like the present to make a change. :-)
But, if we've made any kind of connection here, take a couple minutes to scan this post. I'm going to reveal some things I haven't shared on Steemit before, because there's no time like the present to make a change. :-)
Me last month, all dressed up and hair pulled back :-D
If you want to see how long my hair is here ya go.
The more attentive of you may have noticed I changed my profile picture on Steemit, something I have never done in 15 months. Why? I feel a major shift coming. Most of you are probably wondering what the heck my profile picture ever was in the first place. Well, it was cropped from this lovely album cover created by my friend Chris Davis for the solo album that I unfortunately never completed (so far) titled "Cosmic Youth."
Below, here's a youtube video of me and my longtime friend/former bandmate @samvan playing a slowed-down piano/guitar version of the first track off that album back in Winter 2016 when I stayed in Nashville for several months to record all the instrumental parts for the album.
Where Does "@d-pend" Come From?
Many of you know that it originates from my name, Daniel Pendergraft. It was one of many creative nicknames that I was called over the years by musician friends. I didn't know the name would be permanent when I joined because I knew nothing about the STEEM blockchain! I never had any desire to affect some pointless "privacy" on the internet, because I knew the government already had every single detail about my life. In the modern world, privacy is something of a frail illusion. With high enough technology, a hacker can find out everything they want to know about you.
I liked the name because of its multiple entendre: it stood for my given name, but could also be interpreted severally as "deep end," "depend" (as in dependable, not the adult diapers, thank you very much!) "deepened," etc. The d and the p with a dash in between could also create something of a yin-yang representing opposing yet equal polarities. (d-p)
I liked the name because of its multiple entendre: it stood for my given name, but could also be interpreted severally as "deep end," "depend" (as in dependable, not the adult diapers, thank you very much!) "deepened," etc. The d and the p with a dash in between could also create something of a yin-yang representing opposing yet equal polarities. (d-p)
Why I Joined Steemit
When I joined Steemit I was coming out of a rather dismal phase of my life. I won't tell the story here (at least, not in this post), but it's a story about beatboxing, gaming addiction and feeling directionless. At the time I joined in June 2017 I was living with my parents in Allen, TX but a week later I moved all the way to the lovely mountains of Boone, NC.
Once I got to Boone, I made a couple of promises to myself. I would use only Steemit as my social media, as I wanted to start over from square one. (I have 5000 friends on Facebook and used to post there very frequently about metaphysics, nonduality, consciousness, spirituality, and related topics.) I also used to make podcasts discussing these topics, which never really got many listens, but I enjoyed making them anyway.
Once I got to Boone, I made a couple of promises to myself. I would use only Steemit as my social media, as I wanted to start over from square one. (I have 5000 friends on Facebook and used to post there very frequently about metaphysics, nonduality, consciousness, spirituality, and related topics.) I also used to make podcasts discussing these topics, which never really got many listens, but I enjoyed making them anyway.
link to my old podomatic website
Promise to Myself
The second promise was that I would write and post a poem everyday, staying true to my artistic and philosophical inclinations. I would try to build a following around something that seemed impossible to become successful with: experimental, strange, and esoteric poetry. I decided to stay away from posting too much about spirituality in prose form, because I was very burned out and jaded due to what I had experienced being part of these communities in the past.
The more "spiritual" people seemed to think they were, the more elitist and arrogant they seemed to get about just about everything, including their intelligence, "superior" diet, knowledge, wisdom, "vibrational frequency," fearlessness, godliness, etc. I was fed up with all these dualistic and false human concepts and had found them to do just as much harm as good.
The more "spiritual" people seemed to think they were, the more elitist and arrogant they seemed to get about just about everything, including their intelligence, "superior" diet, knowledge, wisdom, "vibrational frequency," fearlessness, godliness, etc. I was fed up with all these dualistic and false human concepts and had found them to do just as much harm as good.
The Beauty of Encryption
Instead, I would encode my intimate thoughts and feelings into poetry. This avoided pointless debates and the endless bickering of those with conflicting ideologies. I could express myself without any fear of wasting time with these unproductive activities because my beliefs were conveyed in a manner difficult to understand without spending some time to unravel what was being said.
That way, I avoided the attention of those without the patience to study and comprehend the pieces on a deeper level. Of course, the downside of this approach is that there is only a microscopic handful of people willing to do so. However, I didn't care about quantity. If I touched only one person, it made what I was doing worth it.
That way, I avoided the attention of those without the patience to study and comprehend the pieces on a deeper level. Of course, the downside of this approach is that there is only a microscopic handful of people willing to do so. However, I didn't care about quantity. If I touched only one person, it made what I was doing worth it.
my first ever Steemit post
Interests Other Than Poetry
If you want to ask about my interests, it would probably be easier to ask what I'm not interested in. Or more specifically, what I'm least interested in. I hold an endless fascination with the reality in which we find ourselves. I've been like this since a young child, and the only time this ebbs is during phases where my depression is more crippling.
To list some of my greatest areas of passion, expertise and/or curiosity: piano, singing, beatboxing, trombone, music composition, nonduality (advaita), meditation, world religions, spirituality, culinary arts, nutritional balancing, foreign languages [Spanish, Japanese, Malayalam, Chinese], biochemistry, quantum physics, cryptocurrency, video games, digital and traditional art, photography, programming, etc. Out of anything I can think of, what interests me the least is politics.
To list some of my greatest areas of passion, expertise and/or curiosity: piano, singing, beatboxing, trombone, music composition, nonduality (advaita), meditation, world religions, spirituality, culinary arts, nutritional balancing, foreign languages [Spanish, Japanese, Malayalam, Chinese], biochemistry, quantum physics, cryptocurrency, video games, digital and traditional art, photography, programming, etc. Out of anything I can think of, what interests me the least is politics.
What is the Future of @d-pend?
That, my friends, is the open question of the day. And to you, dear readers, I want to extend the opportunity to weigh in. Do you like that I have kept my blog to poetry (and music), avoiding other types of content, including more contentious areas of discussion? Or should I open my heart and trust wider to the Steemit community and show more of my "self?"
I have a deep intuition that something big is happening, that I'm launching into a different phase of my existence on this planet. I want to share it with all of you, while protecting my peace of mind as well as respecting different lifestyles from my own. You have my heart, because every human being is my mother-father-sister-brother. Now, it's up to us where this journey leads.
I have a deep intuition that something big is happening, that I'm launching into a different phase of my existence on this planet. I want to share it with all of you, while protecting my peace of mind as well as respecting different lifestyles from my own. You have my heart, because every human being is my mother-father-sister-brother. Now, it's up to us where this journey leads.
to each one of you from the bottom of my soul.
Wholeness,
@d-pend
9/7/18
To Be Continued.....
Note: I will be promoting this post with several bid-bots, because it is rather important to me.
It all depends on what perspective you look at it Daniel,
At first I was sure you were the decentralized pen. There is only one person alive I know who could spin words together like you. Most of his writing came in his twenties. It it a treasured time but confusing time. You did well to write a poem a day.
From my point of view you have exposed a lot of yourself already in your writings and actions on Steemit. When I was curious about where you were coming from and asked I usually got no answer which made the puzzle to understanding you more interesting. I got a lot of the answers from the poem itself. Others may consider esoteric writing as ostracizing because they don't feel like they can grab anything out of it or it is too indirect. Anyway you really couldn't hide on Steemit because your full name and city are here and by interactions your story unfolds. I won't tell it for you as I have my own story to unravel. To each his own. But from my shoes I have ask, "What did you get out of your visit to India?" Honestly for a while I thought you were an amazing Indian living in North Carolina. You just knew too much of the terrain and language. I know your major was Music but I wonder if you had a minor in Geology or inorganic chemistry. I know computers run in your blood. You also come from a background of a certain professed faith. Your writings reveal the struggles you have had.
One of the problems with Steemit.com is that I cannot message you directly or have a voice conversation from the blockchain. I really respect your decision to reduce media. From my perspective you should just say what you want to when you want to. You don't have fit any pattern. Once you shared a podcast here about poetry. That was interesting. I know you are crazy busy getting stuff together so I couldn't imagine asking you to do more. I remember twenty years ago when I prepared to go to Korea. Everyone told me not too go because it seemed of uncertainties with IMF but I was glad I came. Standing on the other side of the world I was able to see both sides of the yin and yang.
Oh and spiritual things... I'm pretty sure we can't teach them like poetry or English or learn these things in the same matter either. There is so much I can say here but i will just say,
Namaste
I'm so grateful for this comment, @mineopoly. You have been able to see something in my poetry that only one other person ever has. That was @cabbagepatch, and she was my only cheerleader when I began. She would comment on every single one of my poems, often with paragraphs. She was an amazing soul in the body of a middle-aged Japanese lady living in Hawaii. I fear she must be either quite ill or have passed many months ago. It's not like her to leave Steemit. I wish you could have met her.
Since you started commenting on my pieces last winter, I've appreciated it a whole lot, more than I could really say or my meagre upvote could convey. It is so nice to have someone being able to intuitively know what I'm saying, beyond the words. Sometimes what you got out of the pieces was quite different from what I did while writing it. I love that, too. It's just a part of the dynamic transmutation process. You're right that I never tried to hide my identity, but I made people find it out on their own, if they were curious enough.
That is so funny about thinking I was Indian. Actually, I started writing a little bit about my intense experience in India the other day. I always tear up when I think about it. It was the first time in my life I ever felt like I belonged somewhere on this planet. The air quality and other infrastructure issues in India were very severe, and I chose not to return, even though I promised them I would. That still haunts me. I will definitely write some blogs about my experience in the future. It completely changed my life.
The way my music school was, we didn't have minors, instead we had "emphases." My emphasis was Composition & Arranging, so my most challenging classes were about advanced Music Theory, Orchestration, writing for Brass & Woodwinds, etc. However, I took an Environmental Science class as my elective science, and loved it. My mom @violetmed also wanted to be a Geology major before she finally decided on a Math major. I know much of my love for nature and rocks came from her, as well as (eventually) my understanding & appreciation for the strong faith in God she exuded. (I'll save the story of my "atheist days" for another time. ;-)
We definitely should chat on text or voice more. I hope in the future something of the sort is integrated into Steemit so it functions like a proper modern social media site. If they could find a way to put that on blockchain, that would be interesting, though one with privacy features would be nice. I'm thinking it could be based on a separate but complementary blockchain that had the ability to send secure transactions so people could still chat in confidence.
Namaste!
So much to read in this world but sincere interaction so hard to come by. I will never match your upvote and don't intend to. You invested a lot in Steemit. As for me I gave some of my time and was educated in return. I always got something out of your poems even though it may be something way out in left field.
Thank you for introducing @cabbagepatch. I read her articles. It seems that her last post on Steemit came the same day as my first post. She is an angel. I am nothing.
At the age of twenty I spent a summer in Haiti. I took care of kids in an orphanage at the edge of Cite Soleil in Port-au-Prince. Of course I foolishly promised I would come back. What's more the oldest kid in the orphanage sent me letters when I was back in Chicago (no internet back then). He got a scholarship to study in Minnesota, became a pastor and got married. Still I never kept my promise to go back there again. James keeps drilling in my head: "Listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.'"
Quote from some other guy who lived in Minnesota
Hey Daniel, you are absolutely right it is like you are reading the mind of people, it was also my first thought "who the hell is that guy and where is the pirate @d-pend". I mean pirate because looking at you revious profile picture because of the size it was difficult to recognise the picture but I saw colorful something around the head and it was looking like bandana :)
Also it was a little discoverey to learn that you play piano and sing, you have a good voice and I really enjoyed your duet, guitar was also amazing. I pay more attention to piano, because my son play piano too, so I always try to find something interesting that I can share with him, but he listens, agrees but I do not think he really interested in my advices, he is 15 and as all children in this age they know exactly what they need and how the world works :)
It was a pleasure to see how everything started with your first post, it was a poetry and I love teh quote:
Dig deep and dwell in liberty--- remain infinite and free.
Also I noticed, you might have done a picture through the window, it is visible hand with the palm lines in it, am I right?
The library is amazing and that is my dream to have such bookshelves along the walls, balcony and fireplace. Is it your library?
it is easy to see that you are an artist in your soul and it is nice to know that there are different area of your interest. I like the fact that you multilingual with the interests in difficult languages, my respect.
Thanks for introduction post, it is difficult to advice what to post because with different areas of interests you attract different people. But I think you know it the best, just do what you heart tells. Good luck!
Pirate, hahaha! That's great! No one ever said anything about the picture, but I could feel the confusion, through the ether as it were ;-)
About piano/singing, yes music was my main passion for many years and my main study for my Bachelor's degree. Your comment about being 15 years old is soooo true. I thought I knew everything at that age. I'm glad you resonated with that line, it's really a trip to look back on that first post that started everything.
Also, you're correct about the picture, I took it through the window of a "house boat" (Kettuvallam) during my trip to the Kerala backwaters when I lived in South India for 4 months in 2015-2016. I'll blog about that some other time, because I took over a thousand pictures during my trip :-D
I wish the library was mine, too! It was an image I found on Deviantart. Thank you for the long comment, kind words, and advice @stef1. Have a wonderful day!
Hey Daniel! :)
It's great to get to know you a little bit better and to hear about your interests and your Steemit journey - how it started and what it meant to you. I like how you joined this platform with a meaningful purpose, a challenge for yourself.
I hope you'll share more posts like this since you have a lot of interests/passions and I think that people, including me, would love to hear your opinion and experiences on topics you mentioned (for me that would be meditation, spirituality, culinary arts, nutritional balancing, foreign languages, especially Spanish). And I have my fingers crossed that you'll find time/have interest in creating more ambient/meditation music for your soundcloud. :)
One more thing, your hair looks awesome! :D
Have a lovely weekend!
Hi Nikolina!
It's good to hear from you. I really appreciate your comment since you were so specific about the areas you'd like to hear about. I definitely would like to create some more ambient music and I'll move it up a couple notches on the priority list just knowing that it would be of value to somebody :-D
Glad you like the "lion's mane." xD
You have a wonderful weekend, too!
This has been such a pleasant surprise, @d-pend. It is great that you have decided to share some more of you with your followers. It makes us feel closer. I am surprised that you're younger than your poetry makes you appear. My respects to you and your art.
I had a similar experience with spiritual/philosophical circles
I am sure that whatever new content you produce will be liked by your followers. You have proven to be a very balanced and briliant mind.
I am looking forward to what's ahead.
The response I've gotten so far is a pleasant surprise, too—though truthfully I knew myself to be subconsciously limiting what I could achieve here by my particular approach. Something shifted internally, and I knew things needed to change.
Glad to be able to commiserate regarding some of the pitfalls of spiritual/philosophical groups. It is unfortunate, but that needn't condemn us into near-total silence on those matters, as I've experienced.
As far as my age (27), it is the cause of some chagrin, though I appreciate the benefits of youth. Since a child, I have gotten along better with adults and those older than me. I think part of me was worried my craft would be taken less seriously if my age was revealed :-D Thank you for offering respect, wisdom, and encouragement. I really appreciate it. Your commentaries on my poems make my day.
Well, yours make mine. So, we're even! :)
Intellectual exchanges are fading these days. People are putting their money in immediacy and gratification. Triviality treads on ideas and involvement freely.
You're probably right regarding age and being taken seriously. It might have been the case for most readers, especially in academic circles, where ironically, memory faults and we tend to forget about the Rimbauds, the Shelleys, and the Borgeses :)
Thanks for the peak inside your background, Daniel. It was good to read :)
Of course I always enjoy your poetry, but I for one would love to see a wider variety of content from you. You mention some of the things you posted about on FB—I'd enjoy reading your thoughts on other topics like that here. We have connected about matters of spirituality before, so it goes without saying that I'd enjoy reading more of your thoughts on that topic, but other topics as well.
BTW, love that bottom photo of the study. I'd love to someday have a nice library/study.
You are most welcome. I sat down and starting writing an account of my life from college until present yesterday, intending to make some sort of post out of it. Several thousand words later I had a few main thoughts:
So, today I started writing this post over, with a more specific thrust. The prospect of writing more prose is an attractive one to me. Thanks a lot for weighing in; it confirms my intuition. Though I had rationalized the way I had chosen to use Steemit, deep down I know it partially originated from fear of opening up more. Writing only poetry is safe, but somewhat unsatisfying.
As for the study, I'd absolutely love to have a place like that, too. :-)
I'll say this is a wonderful post, @d-pend. How open should we allow ourselves to be? It is not a contract we sign, and then we have homework and deadlines. Let it flow; I mean, we only owe openness to ourselves and so it'll extend to others and everything we do.
Honest writing is sometimes just honest writing, honest art, a fictional self, a transient alter ego. It's like a journal of the soul. If you have not done it yet, I suggest if I may, try being someone else from once in a while. You'll find out once and over again, "someone else" is all people including ourselves. But tou know that already.
Refreshing post, @d-pend. Thanks for sharing.
Cheers! To honest writing :D
Intriguing comment, @marlyncabrera. The power of honesty is very great. Embracing ourselves authentically leads to a more meaningful life and better relationships with those "other-selves" that are magnetized by that same honesty.
I appreciate very much your taking the time to reply, and also thank you so much for the detailed feedback you've given several of my pieces. I regret that I have not responded to them properly, but I always read them closely :-)
Cheers to honest writing, indeed!
So happy @d-pend, that you have decided to share more about who you are. You are incredible and you have a big heart. There's a big world waiting for you to just stretch out all over it with all your gifts and awesome abilities. Where ever your journey takes you your presence will be a gift to all you meet. I do hope we here on Steemit will continue to have the opportunity to connect and interact with you for a long time to come. May you always know exactly where you are supposed to be, what you are supposed to be doing and that life brings you much joy, peace, adventures, and overflowing love @d-pend.
This is my first time to read you and you do make such a positive impact that I'll like to follow you. As to your question of which direction you should unfold and focus your interests, my take is that you flow in the direction of your passion, skill, and ability. However, you need to be focused. The key challenge of following all of your abilities and interests is the danger of wearing yourself thin and being ineffective as a result.
Blessings, Daniel! It is an indescribable experience to call it by its name, but I feel that it must be so, even if it is intuition. I'm surprised with the light of your eyes. I welcome this new way of showing everyone, including you. Of course, I will always be in you, since you are in me. Welcome to your new skin. I hug you infinite, @d-pend!
Thank you for the wonderful comment, all your lovely poetry over the past months, and the insightful replies to many of my pieces. Hugging you infinite right back @zeleiracordero :-D Much gratitude.
I, perhaps more than anyone else, understand your point of view. Sensibility is not understood by everyone. That need to put on armor, to withdraw from the rest is very normal for us. But, there are times when the layers are heavy and you have to free us a little, with what we believe is necessary. There is no age for personal growth and shine. Therefore, It is not an obstacle to being a "teacher", although I understand his position, most people associate "wisdom" with advanced age. I always felt his youth present, but never that external beauty: you are as beautiful on the outside as on the inside, especially when you expose your true light, that same light that carries you and accompanies you in your decisions.
Once again, welcome to this new "skin", to this new stage of transformation that you propose and that those who respect your being, we support you.
I honor the divinity that inhabits you. I hug you infinite, @ d-pend! :D
blush You flatter me, but I'm honored by your words! I agree with you regarding age and wisdom, although there are various hues/octaves of wisdom, I think, some of which it seems necessary to have lived for more years to acquire. In my experience, we can learn something from people of all ages who have something invaluable to offer us: a mirror of our True Self. Honoring and acknowledging that same ineffable light of divinity in you, too, sister :-) Your support means so much.
I enjoyed reading this. Your words have an underscore of a real positive vibe, which I love. I feed on that, actually. I'm trying to inject as much positivity as I possibly can into my own art and try to make up for as much lost time as I can. The promise you made to yourself...I can, should, and actually will borrow that from you. At least one song per day is what I should be striving for. Because I have a lot to say, and a very specific way of saying it, but I allow myself to become closed and center on things that aren't as important. So thank you! Nice to find you here.