Lying: Each time you do it you chose to hurt me

ly·ingˈlīiNG/--present participle of lie

adjective: lying

-not telling the truth.

synonyms: untruthful, false, dishonest, mendacious, deceitful, deceiving, duplicitous, double-dealing, two-faced;

We are all aware that people know how to lie. Well, sometimes it becomes a habit. In my situation I keep asking "Why are you lying to me? Do you really need to lie? Since when you lied to me?" And the worst scenario in my head begans. But what is the reason behind a lie and what cause this to an individual.

To have a deeper understanding about Lying, let's check first the quick explanation from The Psychology of Lying.

According to Leonard Saxe, Ph.D., a polygraph expert and professor of psychology at Brandeis University, says, "Lying has long been a part of everyday life. We couldn't get through the day without being deceptive." Yet until recently lying was almost entirely ignored by psychologists, leaving serious discussion of the topic in the hands of ethicists and theologians. Freud wrote next to nothing about deception; even the 1500-page Encyclopedia of Psychology, published in 1984, mentions lies only in a brief entry on detecting them. But as psychologists delve deeper into the details of deception, they're finding that lying is a surprisingly common and complex phenomenon.

For starters, the work by Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., a psychologist at the University of Virginia, confirms Nietzche's assertion that the lie is a condition of life. In a 1996 study, DePaulo and her colleagues had 147 people between the ages of 18 and 71 keep a diary of all the falsehoods they told over the course of a week. Most people, she found, lie once or twice a day—almost as often as they snack from the refrigerator or twice a day—almost as often as they snack from the refrigerator or brush their teeth. Both men and women lie in approximately a fifth of their social exchanges lasting 10 or more minutes; over the course of a week they deceive about 30 percent of those with whom they interact one-on-one.

Dishonesty Vs. Relationship

Dishonesty also pervades our romantic relationships, Eighty-five percent of the couples interviewed in a 1990 study of college students reported that one or both partners had lied about past relationships or recent indiscretions. And DePaulo finds that dating couples lie to each other in about a third of their interactions—perhaps even more often than they deceive other people.

Fortunately, marriage seems to offer some protection against deception: Spouses lie to each other in "only" about 10 percent of their major conversations. The bad news? That 10 percent just refers to the typically minor lies of everyday life. DePaulo recently began looking at the less frequent "big" lies that involve deep betrayals of trust, and she's finding that the vast majority of them occur between people in intimate relationships. "You save your really big lies," she says, "for the person that you're closest to."

Sweet Little Lies

Not surprisingly, research also confirms that the closer we are to someone, the more likely it is that the lies we tell them will be altruistic ones. This is particularly true of women: Although the sexes lie with equal frequency, women are especially likely to stretch the truth in order to protect someone else's feelings, DePaulo reports.
Men, on the other hand, are more prone to lying about themselves—the typical conversation between two guys contains about eight times as many self-oriented lies as it does falsehoods about other people.

Men and women may also differ in their ability to deceive their friends. In a University of Virginia study, psychologists asked pairs of same-sex friends to try to detect lies told by the other person. Six months later the researchers repeated the experiment with the same participants. While women had become slightly better at detecting their friend's lies over time, men didn't show any improvement—evidence, perhaps, that women
are particularly good at learning to read their friends more accurately as a relationship deepens. Source https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199705/the-truth-about-lying

The Damage of Lying

I lied so many times too and we don't have any single idea about the damage we caused to a person. I experienced to be lied to as well, that leaves mo totally hurt and the first thing comes to my mind is the "Why?" question. But as I absorbed the reasons you gave me, I feel so devastated. I began to ask myself "Am I not worth to know the truth?". Most of the time my head is wondering and its like gonna blow because a lot of things pops up and I can't figure out the answer because its only him who can give it. The second question is, "Are you telling me the truth?"

1--When you lie, even if you think we will never find out, you will almost certainly create a barrier of hurt in the relationship.
2--Unfortunately, when the other person finds out about your lying, and they usually do, it’s nearly impossible to regain trust.
3--When you continue to lie, it’s like putting a giant rock on your back and having to carry it around everywhere you go. It is a relationship destroyer that ends up destroying you.
4--Lying destroys us because it takes us into a vicious cycle that is extremely difficult to get free from. Once you tell a lie, you usually have to lie again to cover up the first lie, and you feel even worse.
5--People who are trapped in a cycle of lying become controlled by fear – a fear of not only being found out as a liar, but also having the truth uncovered about themselves. Source https://www.thehopeline.com/how-lying-hurts-you

Realization

All mentioned above are definitely true and I hope before you tell any lies you can figure out the outcome. Not because you feel the need to tell a lie, you will do it. Think first before you act. Sometimes, the petty things becomes the bigger issue. I want to protect what we have but miggling around with some individuals who are good in lying and cheating will not help us. You are free to go. You can do what you want but just be HONEST. It is better if I will know the truth in your mouth itself rather than finding out to someone else. Open your mind, open your eyes. You don't realize that each time you lie, you become like them and no wonder you'll do the same habits they do, (Social Perception --people around us shape our thoughts, feelings, moods, attitudes, and perceptions. The presence of other people can make a difference in the choices we make and the actions we take.)

So what do you want this relationships to be based on? Lies that you tell, in order to protect yourself, or to avoid conflict? Or do you want relationships to be based on a commitment to honesty and integrity, regardless of the hard times? It’s up to you to decide.