The Future....... It's Dark

When I was a little kid, I couldn't understand the reason why my father would hold his head, like people who are having a severe headache while staring at all of the papers which now I presume a couple of bank statements, maybe some warning for paying the rental fees late and a few of blank documents which he used to calculate something that I couldn't even fathom. Well, I was seven during that time, and I couldn't understand anything other than simple addition and subtraction. My life was pretty much, playing, eating and sleeping with a little bit of studying if my mother scolded me for not touching any of my homework given by my homeroom teacher. I still remember when my father was robbed and he loses a whole month salary which made him cried in front of us before we went to the police station to file a report. We rarely saw he cried and from that cues, I would know how much it stresses him, but then again, I'm too naive to understand what he has been through entirely.

Now I'm 26, and I didn't have the opportunity to meet him after six years of my parent's divorce. I'm quite disappointed but what can I do? My family was falling apart due to financial problems, and I understand why they have to go separate ways. Now, I'm the one who provides my family, financially since my mother is sick and I'm the eldest child. I haven't graduated yet, but that wouldn't stop me from helping my family to earn some cash. I took a few online jobs including designing job offered by UKM Global which pays reasonably for the workload they provided. The things that I have to bear, when I was 18 years old, I couldn't imagine this is how it's going to be when I am 26. I remember after getting a good SPM result; I'm getting a false belief that I could make it work somehow, going overseas, studying medicine, come back with an MD and finally settle with a beautiful woman and perhaps have a child or two. It makes me realise that success in the past doesn't guarantee or increase your probability to succeed in the future. When my father was planning for our financial when I was little, he might think he can control it if he expects it well, but the God knows better.

Now, I really can't see what it's like in the future. I'm too scared to imagine how would it be. Would it be good for me? Would it be bad? I don't know.