Chasing Balance

To be honest with you, achieving balance is impossible by chasing it. Running around life by trying to achieve it will most likely result with unbalanced version of self. This loop is inevitable for each chase. The moment we start to chase our thing is the moment when things start to crumble. There's to many things we need to take into consi-deration: emotional states, actions, and reactions to actions, giving and receiving, external consequences, global happe-nings, climate change and etc. Some of them written sarca-stically, but still to prove a point.

As balance by the zodiac, and 33 in my birthday numerology, seeking for balance started when I was a child. Retrospectively, it looks like I took the harder path everytime. I tried to avoid what others call normal. And not once I found myself totally cut out from the world. As well, moments when I started to balance with conventional social behaviors, I realized my soul hasn't been made for this either. Seeing that the path is somewhere in between, my chase started. I wanted to have it all: nice time with friends, being always there for my family, chasing experiences, knowledge, lonesome times, trying to be active, attractive, spiritual, social, abstract and rational, to earn enough money, have a good career, have enough of free time... Chasing each dream I had, going with the flow, and in the same time organizing life. Soon enough I understood that balance was slipping away further and further from me.

I couldn't just be, because I wanted to be the best of me in the middle of all things. And middle did not existed. As time passed, I turned 30. Got unemployed. Having no place to live. And lived on blessings of my friends and family. Totally lost in the traumatic events that happened along the way. A year got by, my life felt like a trap... And blaming my chase of balance started. If only I had one path and stick to it. One constant. Those sentences repeatedly bounced around the walls of my skull. So is the balance just one way road? Questioning started. The only thing I did with my life was going into a one edge to another, which wasn't sustainable for my psyche.

So I stopped chasing. I started to listen the world around me and take the ordinary path. Still balancing between the edges, still not having a clue what balanced life means. At least I am not chasing anymore. I just live.