Communication is still required for our society to function properly, since telepathy is yet far from becoming a reality, but very often the usual communication that we have is very shallow and just a part of a a daily routine. It's something that's happening between other tasks that take more than half of our attention leaving an idler ear to the one talking to us.

Even if we're not doing anything at the moment of talking and we seem fully opened to the talk we might actually burning our "internal cpu" to create a reply to an idea that's not even finished by our companion. It's like sending feedback to half an e-mail sent by a colleague, showing that you only care what suits you and letting everything pass by or simply return unprocessed to its sender.

"I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen."
Ernest Hemingway

When we actually listen what the other is telling we involuntarily show that we care and that we are willing to learn, process the information and then give our feedback. It's a "conscious hearing" that confirms our presence in the conversation and assures the speaker that he is given a well deserved attention and the proper answers based on the whole information that was transmitted to us and not just fractions mixed with opinions that might be sometimes out of topic.

Great listeners have always had great relationships by offering to others their full attention while "fake listeners" seem to very often attract shallow interaction according to their commitment and attention offered. No matter how much someone would try to fake true listening there's never a success. It's like even their eyes betray them of wandering to other lands while you sweat explaining to them how bad your couple relationship is becoming and wait for some piece of advice and honest opinions.

Sometimes is not that we "close our ears" because we don't care, is because what we hear is different from our ledger of mental concepts and simply refuse to open our eyes to other points of view. That happens generally with elderly that have built a strong ego over decades and they just simply slap your opinions and very often close their ears to whatever new idea you might come with trying to shake their long lasting tower of "old and unchanged wisdom".

"I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I'm going to learn, I must do it by listening."
Larry King

We often mistakenly believe that what we are hearing is actually listening. Hearing happens involuntarily and it is more a biological function than a psychological one. We can hear the TV buzz, cars passing by our even our spouse speaking, but we don't really care that much about the message. We just hear it.

Listening, on the other hand, is when we give our full attention to the speaker, show that we care about the subject, give an accurate feedback and sometimes learn something. When we only talk or just shut our mouths temporarily to prepare a quick reply based on our weak attention to the subject we are just consuming time and energy for nothing. Or we can better say that we engaged in a small talk. One that will be forgotten in seconds.

In the right hands though even small talks can be great tools of communication as you may have read in yesterdays post about the subject. Listening though can make a big difference in any conversation and will give much more meaning to simple hearing. Great listeners don't just hear, they listen and are a genuine part of the discussion making you feel important on whatever the subject might be. They seem how to give sense to everything and take advantage of everything. Nothing is to be wasted for them.

Source of images:https://pixabay.com/

Thanks for reading!