Weekly Story Writing Competition 3 | Story Continuation

in Colombia-Original11 days ago

Assalamu Alaikum,

First of all, my sincere gratitude and thanks to my dear @mamun123456 brother. Despite the low participation, you did not stop this beautiful initiative, this is the identity of a true organizer. Your relentless efforts inspire writers like us. I feel lucky to be able to participate in this competition again.

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It was almost eleven o'clock at night. It was raining heavily outside. Rimon was lying on the sofa with a tired body after returning from the office. The stress of the day was still swirling in his head. Just then, the doorbell rang. Who could come at this time of night? Rimon slowly got up and opened the door. There was no one outside. Only a blue gift box was lying in front of the door. There was no name or address on the box, only the words written in large red letters

"For your past mistakes"
Rimon's chest twisted somehow. He looked around. There was no one. Nothing could be heard except the sound of rain. He took the box in his hand and closed the door and went inside. The box seemed unusually heavy when it was small. He placed the box on the table and sat quietly for a long time. Rimon's words, "Mistakes of the past," began to echo in his head.

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There are some mistakes that, no matter how much people want to forget, they bring them out when time allows. Finally, he opened the lid. There were only three things inside. An old wristwatch, a small voice recorder, and a folded letter. Rimon's hand trembled when he saw the wristwatch. The glass of the watch was broken, the hands had stopped. He recognized this watch. It was Safin's childhood friend. The man who was no longer alive. Rimon opened the letter with trembling hands. You thought time would erase everything. But even some wrong times don't erase it.

"Play." Rimon sat still for a while. Then he slowly pressed the recorder button. A familiar voice came out. Rimon, if you're listening to this, understand that the time has come to reveal all the truth. Rimon's throat went dry, it was Safin's voice. That night you knew I was innocent but you kept quiet. One word from you could have saved me, but you left me alone to save your own job and honor.

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Rimon's eyes got wet, remembering that night. He was a witness in that office corruption case. But he didn't open his mouth. The next day, Safin committed suicide in shame of that false witness. The recorder kept playing. I don't hate you, but if you want to forgive yourself, reveal the truth. This recorder has all the evidence. Decision, your record was stopped. Silence fell in the house. Only the ticking of the clock on the wall. Rimon's eyes fell on the wristwatch.

Suddenly, he noticed something engraved on the back of the clock. He turned it over and looked. Today's date was eleven o'clock. At that moment, the doorbell rang again. Rimon's chest heaved. He slowly walked towards the door. He opened the door and looked outside. There was no one. Just in front of the door was another small box. There is still time written on this box. Rimon stared at the box, wondering the same thing in his head. Is this gift a chance for forgiveness or the last step of punishment? The rain outside started to fall harder, and inside the house, the past of his life slowly began to consume him.

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The box fell from Rimon's hands. There is still time, these words struck him like a thunderbolt in his chest. He slowly picked up the box. As soon as he opened the envelope, there was no gift inside. There was no recorder, just a piece of paper. As soon as he opened the paper and read it, Rimon's eyes darkened. It was an old newspaper cutting. The headline was the suicide of an innocent young man due to a wrong signature. The truth is still unknown. Rimon's breath caught. For all these years, he had thought no one knew.

He thought time would cover everything. But no, the truth waits, just for this time. Just then, the light in the room suddenly went out. There was thick darkness all around. The sound of the rain outside no longer felt peaceful, but rather it felt like someone was banging on the door. Rimon turned around and his eyes fell on the wall. He saw his reflection in the mirror on the wall. But it didn't move like him. The reflection had tears in its eyes and a kind of pain on its face. Safin's voice came from inside the mirror.

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You were silent that day Rimon. Will you remain silent today? Rimon pressed his ear hard. Stop, please, he whispered, but the voice didn't stop. If you tell the truth, I will find peace, and if you don't, this night will be your last silence. Suddenly, lightning flashed, the light came on. The room was as before. The mirror was normal. There was no one. Rimon sat down on the sofa panting. His eyes fell on the clock on the table. The stopped ticking started to move slowly now. The clock ticked and stopped at 11:30 PM. Just then, a notification came to his phone, an email with the subject line "Tomorrow's headline is waiting for you."

Rimon looked at the window. The rain had eased a little, a light light appeared in the sky, he felt that it was not dawn, but the last chance in the darkness inside him. He closed his eyes, if he told the truth today, he would lose everything. And if he remained silent, he would lose himself. Rimon opened the laptop and started typing on the screen, I gave false witness. The rain stopped outside. And inside the house, after many years, a dying soul finally breathed its last breath of peace.

I am inviting my dear friends to participate in this beautiful story writing competition,
@franyeligonzalez
@memamun
@lirvic

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Upvoted! Thank you for supporting witness @jswit.

 8 days ago 

Hello @samima1,

The story gradually builds up a tension, which you managed to maintain until the end. The parts of the blue box, the clock and the recorder are very naturally blended into the story. I had to stop while reading the part of Safin's voice, because the guilt and fear are clearly understood there.

Rimon's decision at the end made the story meaningful. It is not just a story of fear or mystery, but also about the inner struggle. Overall, the story is written in simple language, but the impact is deep. You did a good job.

verification& feedback
article presentation:good ✅
Story originality:seems original ✅
Plagiarism free:
Steemexclusive:
Contest rules followed:
Entry status:valid ✅
Score:9.4/10

Best wishes for the contest