Follow these 10 surefire ways to make a woman fall in love with you. Do what you will with this information, but be careful this stuff is potent!

No women were harmed, as far as I know, in the assembly of this list:

1. Do Cool Moves:

Do cool shit. Make quick movements. Catch doors as they swing open. Jump off of ledges. Flip objects up in the air then catch them. Pass things around your back like a basketball. Juggle. Hiyaah! Do karate moves when you are alone with her. Women will say it’s stupid but it shows have control over your body and you know what that can possibly be good for.

2. Sing songs to her:

It doesn’t matter if you can sing or not: Sing your favorite song with passion and put her name into it, and she will melt like butter. It doesn’t matter if it’s Meatloaf or Barry White: It shows you are fun and spontaneous and not the boring Internet junkie she suspects you are.

3. Repeat what she says:

This is a game you do when you are little to your friends and siblings to annoy them. In the real world, it annoys grown ups too! But when you do it to a girl you are going after, she magically thinks somehow you guys are connected on a higher spiritual plain. It works even better if you guys turn around and say the exact same thing at the same time by mistake. This works even when girls won’t admit it, because it’s doing something in their Medulla Oblongata!

4. Give her Compliments:

Giving her compliments works. It makes them think you are paying attention, even though you have long bored of their charms and you are just trying to get sex, dinner or for them to proofread your PDF’s for work. Let’s face it: Most people’s self esteem is totally screwed, and the more they watch TV, the lower it’s going to be. A compliment restores their confidence. It works really well if in the middle of sex you just stand up and say “Oh my God! You are so beautiful, I can’t finish making love to you, I just have to stare at your face.” She just might start crying and threaten to love you forever.

5. Be Mysterious:

Act like you have more going on than you do. Put a global map on the wall and stick pins into random cool locations around it. Or even put up a local map and stick pins at points of interest. Never ever explain what it is for. Collect passports , currency and maps of different countries and have them fall onto the floor. Keep a pair of Binoculars and walkie-talkies in your automobile’s glove compartment. Whether she thinks you’re a Terrorist or a Spy, you will win her heart because she will be hot because she can’t figure you out.

6. Full Phone Messages:

This is an extension of being mysterious. Call yourself and fill up your cell phone voicemail and home phone message recorder with bogus messages so that when a girl calls she gets the “Message Full” announcement. She will think you are popular and therefore in demand. She will need to have the feeling of conquering you at least once. Tell them its business or charity work or calls from international acquaintances; she is going to dig this.

7. Drive Stick:

Women love a man who can drive manual transmission. In fact, being able to pilot as many vehicles as you can (driving boats, flying airplanes) makes you more attractive to women. Most American woman cannot drive manual vehicles, so this puts you in a position of authority and sometimes even a hero. They developed automatic transmissions for women, because they found pushing a clutch pedal with high heels too difficult. If you are a man, and you only drive automatic, you might as well go to Old Navy and buy yourself a skirt.

8. Talk loud on the cell phone:

Act important! Yell “You’re Fired!” , pretend you are talking to celebrities and name drop. Everyone hates that asshole, but he is getting laid and has women falling in love with him for being unverified digital alpha male. If you are going for a brainy chick, pretend to be working out quadratic equations with a friend or a hippie chick will dig you talking about renewable eco-friendly fuel sources, or a hip-hop chick, spit a hot rhyme and say P-diddy just texted you or scream about Tim Draper giving you tips on Bitcoin. They’ll love you for it.

9. Never go to the bathroom:

Going to the bathroom on their side of the gender equation is a big no-no. Some people think the faster you get over this, the better off you are. No way! This is sterile America where we want even our soda and deodorant clear and our rice and teeth bleached white! All the celebrities you see on TV don’t go to the bathroom, why should you? Don’t destroy the magic. Hold it in: You’ll be wearing diapers when you are 50, but it’ll be worth it!

10. Stuff your pants:

When all else fails. Come on dude. This one is self-explanatory. Size doesn’t matter in love, but curiosity can kill the cat, if you know what I mean…