An Apology: Comedy Open Mic #36

I must apologize for something I said.

As many of you in the Steemit community know, when I am not writing humorous bits for my blog, I am a practicing artist. Occasionally, I post images here for you all to view. For example:

An art piece like this, if hung in the right location, might get some attention. The right kind of attention might lead to a sale, or, as it did recently, a request for an interview with public television here in Minneapolis.

This is something of a big deal for me. I haven't had much success, and it was an honor and a thrill to get that request.

I accepted and met the interviewer, a young woman with a jagged haircut, at a studio in the old Warehouse District of the city. I showered, shaved, and planned a few things about my philosophy on art because I didn't want to sound either like an idiot or a pompous artbag. You know the type.

The cameras were unnerving and the lights were hot and bright. I focused on breathing. Her first question, however, took me off guard. She asked if I prefer green or blue.

I hesitated. It took a moment, but I explained that I didn't have a preference between green or blue, or any other color for that matter, because, as an artist, I recognize that all colors, when set in a proper picture context, can be as beautiful and strong as any other. But she insisted.

This is where my trouble began. I shrugged and told her, if I had to choose, I like green.

Then she asked what I had against the color blue.

Those of you who witnessed the interview know that it got ugly from there. I tried to explain that I use blue paint all the time and that some of my best paintings are blue. I told her that blue M&M's are my favorite.

But the damage was done. She accused me of color prejudice. She ground me into the earth like a spent cigarette. How dare I discriminate so blatantly? Did my privilege blind me so arrogantly to what the color blue struggles to overcome? She called me scum in the swamp of life. Then she rolled her eyes and screeched at me until I fled the interview.

Since it aired, I was fired from my job. Someone posted my address on the PBS website and I've had a small army of black-clad Communists camped out in my alley throwing rocks in my windows and screaming "Nazi!"

So, here I am offering an apology to those I offended. I realize now that my words hurt. All colors are equal on the canvas, but blue is more equal than others. I only hope that you and God can forgive me.

Thank you.

I nominate @nonameslefttouse and @mourningnoodles to enter this round of Comedy Open Mic.